Viva Lost Wages
by Purity Black
Summary: COMPLETE! Lance and Kitty are rewarded for a good deed with a holiday to Las Vegas for their teams. You know this can't end well. . .
1. Default Chapter

What did I say about finishing my fics before I start new ones? Will I ever learn?

_Waaaaay_ back when I was writing my very first fic, I also penned this little number. I never put it up because I wasn't sure I was very funny but my last two humour fics were very popular and so I figured I'd put it up.

The pairings are pretty standard. This fic contains Jott, Romy, Lancitty, Rolo and vague Tonda. I have no problem with changing those aspects of the fic if anyone has better suggestions. The reason for this is that when I wrote this I wasn't familiar with the possibilities and hadn't considered the joy of messing with the couples. Although this is an old fic I can still tweak it a little!

This is dedicated to everyone who convinced me that I might just be funny after all!

WARNING: As is the case with much of my humour, this story contains vast quantities of drunken behaviour, sexual situations, tormenting the characters, nudity and a transvestite. As such, it should not be read by anyone who finds these things offensive. Also, I butcher accents, Remy's for the most part. Just ignore that, please?


	2. Car Jacking Ghosts

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. Well, one of them. But none of the good ones.

"Whoa, look at that!" yelled Lance Alvers as he and his on-again off-again girlfriend Kitty Pryde drove his decrepit jeep to the mall.

"What?"

"That car! It's a brand-new Cobra! They only make them in Vegas. Man, that is so _cool_! Do you have any idea how much those things cost?"

"Like, I'm sure you do." Kitty sighed and glanced at the vomit-yellow car ahead of them as they approached it. It didn't look that cool to her…

At that moment, two men who'd been hanging about nonchalantly nearby ran to the Cobra, which had stopped at the intersection, and shoved a gun into the face of the startled driver. One guy ran around to the passenger side and jumped in, the gunman opened the driver's door, yanked out the driver and took his place behind the wheel. They narrowly missed hitting the man in the road as they did a U-turn and drove off past the jeep.

"Hey, they stole my idea!" Lance did a U-turn of his own and sped after the Cobra. There just happened to be a convenient pile of rocks atop a hill beside the road ahead and Lance caused a handy rockslide, which forced the Cobra to a halt.

The jeep screeched to a stop behind the other car and the pair exited, Kitty grabbing Lance's hand as they walked toward the Cobra. The gunman opened fire and the bullets passed harmlessly through them as Kitty phased, instead hitting the jeep and causing expensive damage.

Lance glanced at his ride and lost his temper. "First you steal the car that I was gonna steal…"

"Lance!"

"…I mean, was gonna get a job and save up enough money to buy – and then you kill my wheels!"

"AAARRGHH! Car-jacking ghosts!" The men fled, leaving the Cobra behind.

The owner of the Cobra ran up to them, a man of about 40, slightly overweight, red-faced and out of breath. "You kids are _mutants_?"

"Like, what gave it away?" asked Kitty sarcastically. "The avalanche or the phasing?"

"Actually, it was your bumper sticker, 'mutants do it in spandex' – but that's great! You saved my beautiful and extremely expensive new car!"

"Uh, yeah, I guess we did," said Kitty.

"I think I'm in a position to reward you kids. I'm Phinneus Smash and I'm a mutant too. I'm a precognitive."

"Are you sure?" Lance gave Smash a doubtful look. "Because you sure didn't see that car-jacking coming."

"I see things in terms of mathematical probability boy. Lousy fortune teller, great gambler. Won all my money in games of chance in Vegas. Now I own a penthouse, hotels, casinos, a private jet, you name it."

"You're rich?" Lance felt his spirits rising. "Wait, you mentioned a reward?"

"Hell yes son! I'd like to treat you and your lady to a weekend away on me, in one of my hotels. Normally eight grand a night, but for you it's free! And you'll gamble free, eat free, drink free – everything's free!"

"We're there!"

"I can't," pouted Kitty. "The Professor would never let me go on my own and certainly not with you!"

"Well, I'll tell you what girly." Smash tapped his chin with his forefinger, thinking. "The top floor of one of my best hotels was reserved for a millionaires conference and paid for in full, but it was mysteriously cancelled just this morning. Why don't you both bring along some friends and a chaperone, make a party out of it?"

"I don't know Lance," said Kitty. "The X-Men and the Brotherhood in a luxury hotel together?"

"Oh come on Kitty," said Lance. "You need to nurture your evil side. What better way than this?"

"Maybe you're right!"

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At The Institute…

The Professor smiled at Kitty as he put the phone down. "I've spoken to Mr Smash and I'm quite willing to let you all go on this trip if you have a chaperone. Logan, Ororo, you two will be in charge of the students for the weekend."

"ME!?" Logan shook his head. "That's not a good idea…"

Professor Xavier did The Eyebrow and Logan sighed. The Eyebrow won all arguments, like a bald version of the Crippler Crossface. "Fine. I'll go."

"Ooh, I've always wanted to wear sequins at lunchtime!" Ororo hurried away to start packing and Logan watched her go, suddenly very afraid.

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At The Brotherhood House…

"Guys, we're going to Vegas. Get packed."

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That Friday, a private jet arrived at the Bayville Airport to pick up the teens. The X-Men and the Brotherhood were most impressed by the leather seats and DVD player. Logan and Storm were more impressed by the mini-bar. Scott and Jean somehow found themselves invited to the adults' party, which got rowdier and louder as they closed in on Las Vegas airport.

"Sho I shaid to that Shabretooth, I shaid, 'Creed, ya shoulda found yourself a diff'rent litter box!' Then I gave him a punsh, like that!" Logan accidentally sliced the table in half, scattering drinks across the floor.

"Logan, you're _soooo_ tough," said Storm, giving him a flirtatious look.

"Shorry 'bout the table bub."

Phinneus Smash shrugged. "No problem, it's easily replaced."

Rogue rolled her eyes as she witnessed the scene before turning back to Remy. "So, why you sitting up here instead of where the booze is?"

The Cajun looked up from where he was teaching Jamie, Bobby, Ray and Roberto how to play poker. "Remy t'ink he save himself for the casino. Besides, the view's better from here." He winked at Rogue before revealing his cards to the others. They all groaned in defeat.

On the other side of the plane, the Brotherhood (with the exception of Lance) were also watching the adults. "Man, they are going to wreck the whole weekend," muttered Pietro.

"If they keep drinking like that, they'll be _unconscious_ all weekend yo." Toad glanced over at his beloved. "Isn't that right cuddlebumps?"

Wanda didn't even scowl at him, instead staring into space with a dreamy smile playing at her lips.

Pietro grinned. "When we were kids, Wanda had a thing for _Elvis_!"

Refocusing on the conversation, Wanda glared at her brother. "I did not! I just mentioned _once_ that he wasn't too bad looking when he was young! Besides, I was six!"

"She was convinced he was alive," continued Pietro. "She used to say he'd been kidnapped and replaced my an evil alien clone…" He dived for cover as Wanda's hands began to glow blue.

"My momma used to say I looked like Elvis," said Toad hopefully.

"In the dark perhaps," laughed Fred. "To a blind psycho!"

The pilot announced that they were approaching the airport just as Lance staggered back to his seat, still looking queasy. Everyone strapped themselves into their seats.

"Wow look!" shouted Jamie. "There's a _roller coaster_ on the top of that building!"

"Well boy, you're going to like where you're staying," Smash told him. "The place next door has an indoor amusement park. I hired it out for tomorrow. You'll have it all to yourselves!"

All of the New Mutants went into paroxysms of delight.

The plane landed and everyone disembarked. Rogue looked over to where Logan and Ororo were leaning on each other and trying not to stagger. "Man, they're wasted!"

"_Oui_," replied Gambit seriously. "Anyone would t'ink they'd been drinking Remy's special home-made super-strong brew instead o' dat expensive stuff."

"Remy, please tell me you didn't." Rogue looked into his too-innocent face and groaned. "Why? Logan'll be pissed!"

"Wit' dem outta de way, de rest of us can enjoy de sights. Remy teach his _chere_ how to gamble."

"Ah hate to burst your bubble Cajun, but there's no casino in Vegas that'll let in any of us except you and Pyro."

"Remy know dat. Unless…" He put his hand into one of the many pockets of his trench coat and pulled out a watch. No, not a watch. An image inducer.

"The Professor is gonna kill us," muttered Rogue. "And the others won't like it one bit."

"Sure dey will. Remy stole enough for everyone!"

"Oh god…" Rogue looked over to the plane where Blob was getting off with an unconscious Pyro over his shoulder. "And another thing. You and Pyro were having a conversation a half hour before we took off and suddenly he's out for the count!"

"You t'ink it's a good idea to fly all de way to Las Vegas wit' dat maniac? Remy not stupid _chere_. He be fine in an hour."

"So you've stolen from the Prof, got our instructors drunk and sedated a pyromaniac who writes romance in his spare time just so two groups of underage mutants can go gambling? Oh man, we're gonna die."

"But we go out in style _non_?" Remy indicated to four limos waiting to pick them up. "Dis guy, he want to thank Lance and Kitty by showing off his money. Remy let him pick up the tab and have a good time while he does it!"

Rogue sighed. "We are in so much trouble."


	3. The Hotel And The Bar

Thanks to:

Todd Fan - I'm not fond of Rolo either but it does have a purpose!

Southern Goth Gal - Hey sis, thanks for reviewing! I'm actually planning on Pietro torture (he had it too easy in most of my fics). I wanted a new computer for Xmas, but all I got was soap ::sobs::

Heartsyhawk - Glad you like, hope the next chapter lives up to expectations!

LadyEvils - Remy and Pyro are in it but COlossus isn't, no reason except I couldn't think of anything for him to do. Set after the fourth series. I wish I knew where I could find that bumper sticker!

Riderazzo - Pleased to make it to your favourites list! Hope you enjoy this next chapter and like what the kida get up to without the adults around ;)

Randomnity - Elvis will be returning to the fic before long! And to explain the Hilton sisters, one needs a better sense of the bizarre than I have.

AriKitten - I'm hoping it will be as good as Power9 too, although I really decided to put it up because I found it again after writing it forever ago. Thought I'd see what people thought!

Soulstress - That line was the one that made me put the fic up in the first place! Hope you like this chapter as much as the first.

Gambit$£& - I think Logan would be a mean drunk (the only time I've seen him drunk in the comics he was singing happily and waking up the entire mansion, lol) but I dunno about Cyke - I think he'd be a maudlin letch! And I think you're right, Jean and Storm would both be tipsy and giggly. The author manages to combine all of these aspects after a few tequilas!

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. Oh wait, I own the ones that make vague appearances but none of the good ones that you recognise.

Author Note: I'm a staff memeber on the C2 site 'Rietro Heaven' so if you can recommend to me any good fics from that genre I would be grateful. Also, I've promised to write a new fic based on the pairing so if you have any ideas I'd be pleased to hear them!

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The four limousines waited patiently for the passengers of the private plane. Logan and Ororo got into the first, the Brotherhood in the second, the New Recruits in the third and the rest of the X-Men in the fourth with Phinneus Smash. Jean was giggling inanely and Scott dived straight for the mini-bar. "Anyone wanna drink?"

"Me!" said Kurt; not really expecting to get anything alcoholic instead found himself holding a glass of champagne. "Wow!"

"Dey more careful den Logan and Stormy coz dey not used to it," said Remy quietly to Rogue. "But no one can resist de power of Remy's home brew!"

"I wish we could go to a casino," said Jean as she handed out glasses to the others and trying to steady the bottle of hundred-dollar champagne to pour.

"Shame we're not old enough," replied Scott wistfully.

"Don't say dat Remy don't have all de answers." Gambit looked smug as he pulled a handful of image inducers from his pocket. He gave on to each of the teens in the limo, except for Kurt who already had one on, and they strapped them to their wrists and started messing with them. Kurt showed everyone how to age themselves (which he did to buy beer on the weekends) and soon everyone in the car looked twenty-two or twenty-three.

"Like, how many of those things did you bring?" Kitty asked Remy.

"Those, one for each of de New Recruits and one for each of de Brotherhood. Except for Jamie, he too young. Oh, and St. John. Remy know better den to let dat maniac loose where dere are smokers."

"Newsflash Gambit," replied Kitty, swallowing her champagne far too quickly. "Pyro's already over twenty-one."

Scott frowned. "Do you think it's alright to pretend to be old enough to gamble?"

"Of course it is son!" said Smash before anyone else could reply. "And I'll give you all a thousand dollars worth of chips to do it with and all your drinks are complimentary for the entire stay!"

"Woo-hoo!" Kitty held out her glass for a top-up. "Thanks Mr Smash.

"It's the least I can do for you girly after you saved my life from a gang of gunmen!"

"Yeah," said Kitty uncomfortably. "A gang."

The limos pulled up outside an enormous hotel. The X-Men gasped. It was about four times the size of the mansion and at least forty storeys tall.

"Cool," commented Kurt.

Everyone gathered outside the hotel and Phinneus led them into the foyer. "I'll have you shown to your rooms, then you can amuse yourselves."

Both the X-Men and the Brotherhood were sneaking surreptitious glances at Logan and Ororo. They looked a little – dishevelled. Surely Storm had started off with more buttons on her blouse…

They were shown up to their rooms, each one with a double bed, mini bar and Jacuzzi. The X-Men in the fourth limo had agreed to meet up in the bar downstairs two hours after they arrived and Kitty agreed to go to everyone's room handing out image inducers. She found the entire Brotherhood in Pietro's room, obviously having already been in the bar in the limo. Pietro, Lance and Toad were singing loudly and tunelessly, examining the bottles in the mini-bar.

"You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals…"

"Amphibians…"

"…So let's do it like they do on…"

"Kitty!" yelled Lance, seeing his sniggering girlfriend in the doorway. "Uh, we were just, uh, making room for our non-alcoholic drinks, yeah that's what we were doing!"

"Right," grinned Kitty. "Y'know, room service can bring you booze if you want it."

"Oh yeah!" Pietro ran over to the phone and dialled room service.

"Order me a pizza too," added Fred.

"Anyway." Kitty pulled five image inducers out of her pocket. "We can like, use these to make us look older and Mr Smash is gonna give us gambling money!"

"Kitty, you're the best!" Lance grabbed an inducer and started messing with it.

"They're only good if we can get away from Logan and Ororo. They'll never let us use them."

"Wouldn't worry about that," said Pyro from where he was reclining on the bed drinking a can of Fosters. "I went looking for Gambit earlier, coz I wanted to kill him, and I saw that Sheila going in Logan's room with a crate of wine. And then he came out and used his claws to write 'do not disturb under pain of pain' on the door. Think they're staying there for the whole weekend mate."

"Do you often go around spying on other people?" asked Kitty haughtily.

"Need material for me fiction." Pyro flicked his lighter and produced a flaming likeness of Logan and Storm that was graphic enough to send Kitty running screaming from the room.

"Hmmm…" Todd adjusted his image inducer and suddenly looked just like his Wanda-smooching alter ego Eric. "Let's go to ze bar and get cocktails, ja?"

"Toad!" Wanda glared across the room at him. "If you use that thing to try to seduce me _just once_, you'll suffer!"

"Yes snookums." Todd obediently adjusted the inducer to display an older version of himself and pretended not to notice Wanda shudder.

"All _right_!" Pietro zipped over to the door as room service knocked with his drinks and Fred's pizza. "You guys get outta here. I need to get ready! There's tons of hot babes out there with loads of money and hardly any clothes – you can't deny them of the Pie-man any longer!"

"Pie-man?" Wanda rolled her eyes. "Oh give me a break!"

The Brotherhood left Pietro to it and went back to their respective rooms, passing Tabby and Amara drunkenly singing 'Viva Las Vegas' and about twelve Jamie's running around the hallway yelling about the fair.

"Anyone else notice that Lance got the room next to Kitty's?" said Pyro.

"And Toad got the room next to Wanda's," added Lance quickly.

Wanda glowered. "Try nothing Toad, or else!"

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Some two hours later everyone was gathered in a booth in the bar, image inducers on, drinking as if there were no tomorrow and playing foolish drinking games, the most popular being 'never have I ever'. Remy and Fred were still relatively sober, Sam and Roberto were apocalyptically drunk and everyone else was somewhere in between. Pietro got up to get the next round of drinks because he was at the end of the booth although he wasn't too pleased to find himself sitting next to Scott.

Toad raised his drink. "Never have I ever…oh, I can't think of anything!"

"This is a dumb game anyway," muttered Wanda, finishing her drink as Pietro returned with a tray full of fresh ones.

"Move over Summers," growled Pietro as he sat down. "Y'know, you should really keep in better shape and then maybe your ass wouldn't take up so much room…"

"Is this seat taken handsome?" asked a feminine voice from beside Pietro.

"Why no," he said with a grin as he took in the long slender legs, short blue dress, large breasts. "Ba-"

His voice trailed off as his gaze alighted on the square jaw, thick make-up unable to hide the stubble.

The man sat down and fluttered false eyelashes at the clearly terrified Pietro. The others at the table started snickering, trying desperately not to laugh out loud.

"I'm Simone," he said flirtatiously, the high voice sounding wrong coming from some one over six foot tall. "Are you all alone in Vegas?"

"NO! No! I'm at a table with a big crowd of people! Not much room! Can't really fit another one!"

"You know what I mean," giggled Simone, wriggling closer to Pietro. "Not with anyone – special? A girl?"

"Uh, I'm uh, I'm…I'm uh…I'm with him!" With a sudden burst of drunken logic, Pietro threw an arm around Scott's shoulders, causing the X-Man to spit beer across the table and everyone else to turn purple with suppressed laughter.

"Oh poo." Simone pouted and stood up to go. "But remember if you change your mind I'm staying at the Palm Springs, room 274. Bring your boyfriend if you have to – you won't be sorry!" With that he sashayed out of the bar.

The mutants finally let go of their laughter as Pietro took his arm from around Scott and crashed his head onto the table. "That was _not_ funny!"

Wanda slid under the table in hysterics and Jean managed to choke off her laughter just long enough to glance over at Scott's horrified expression, beer still dripping off his chin, before going off into giggles again.

"Simple Simone met the Pie-man," Wanda managed from under the table before starting laughing again.

"Scott, why didn't you tell me you were with Pietro?" sniggered Jean. "I'd understand! After all, he is so pretty…"

"You die now!" Pietro tried to stand up but Jean pinned him to the spot with her TK.

Toad picked Wanda up from beneath the table as the laughter finally down and put her back in her seat before picking up his drink. "I've thought of one! Never have I ever seen Pietro look so scared!"

"I'll drink to that," said Lance with a smirk.

"I hate this stupid game," muttered Pietro.

"Why don' we go to a casino?" asked Remy hopefully.

"Coz we agreed to wait 'til tomorrow. We don't want to blow all our money on the first night." Rogue tried to grab her drink and missed. "Shit! Ah think ah drank too much to see mah cards anyway."

"So let's go to a club," suggested Tabby.

"Ja!" agreed Kurt. "Mr Smash promised to get us free drinks in any place we went."

"I think I saw a cool place down the strip," said Kitty.

"Did some one say something about a strip club?" asked Sam blearily.

"No," snapped Kitty. "How much have you had to drink?"

"Not much," lied Sam, trying to stand up and stumbling.

"No way are you going out in that state," said Jean. "Maybe we should get you to bed."

"I'm fine!" Sam took three steps toward the bathroom before falling flat on his face.

"Maybe some one should take Roberto up as well," said Tabby, indicating to the Brazilian who had put his head into a beery puddle on the table and was snoring loudly.

"Uh Fred, would you mind?" asked Jean. Blob rolled his eyes and stood up, picking up Roberto and throwing him over his shoulder before going over to Sam and doing the same to him.

"And when he comes back we can go to a club!" Tabby knocked back the rest of her drink and began to dance on the spot. "Let's show this town how to _party_!"


	4. Amusement Park With A Hangover

Thanks to:

Randomnity – Don't call me Shirley, that's Police Squad isn't it? I might just use the idea you gave me for the Rietro, it's a good starting point for me so thanks for it!

LadyEvils – Pietro in denial? Oh yeah! There will be lots of Lancitty coming up in later chapters (the 'Sunday Morning' chapters are going to be particularly interesting, lol). Hmm, I could level Vegas couldn't I?

Elmo the Cajun puppet – Remy will certainly have a go at Rogue later on, I've got plans for Romy-ness!

Todd Fan – This chapter is the sober one (boo!) but there will be drunken shenanigans later one (including Todd, hee hee!)

Southern Goth Gal – It's Wanda's job to torment Pietro and one I intend to do well! No matter where you hide him, I'll find a way to torture him! And there will be Pietro, Pyro, Remy…all the best Marvel has to offer!

Heartsyhawk – This fic was the first place I got the idea for a Scott/ Pietro pairing because I could just see the look on Scott's face!

Riderazzo – There will be some more Lancitty in the next chapter but there will be later on a chapter that is pure Lancitty fluff. Weirdly, this fic actually started out as a Kurtty but I'm not a fan of that pairing so I ditched it and stuck to my preferred couple.!

Disclaimer: I own the bikini girls (don't you boys wish you were me?) and Titus Tucker but none of the characters you recognise and are here to read about belong to me. My birthday's in November if anyone wants to save up and buy me some one…

**Author Note: **There was no good place for me to stop writing at this point – either I put up loads and loads or else I put up two shorter chapters. I chose the two shorter ones.. For this reason the chapter is pretty damn short with not much happening. The next chapter will be up on Monday night (UK time) and I apologise again for the briefness of this chapter!

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The following day…

"No way Jamie. It's not happening." Sam squinted at the boy through his sunglasses. "There is no way I'm getting on a roller coaster the way I feel today."

Jamie pouted. "Hardly anyone wants to go on! Only Blob and Gambit and they're both scary!"

"Ask Pyro."

"No way! I'm too young to die!"

"Do you have to talk so loud?"

Glowering, Jamie made four copies of himself and the group ran toward the roller coaster. Sam sighed in relief and went to the seats where the X-Men and Brotherhood were sitting in various stages of illness.

"I am so not well," groaned Kitty, holding her head. "Like, who's idea was that last drinking contest?"

"Yours," muttered Amara without taking her head off the table.

"I know what'll make us feel better," said Tabby. "More beer!"

"More beer?" Jean looked horrified. "Don't we already feel bad enough?"

"Remy t'ink that's a great idea," said Gambit. "Best way to take de edge off de hangover is to never sober up."

"We're in an _amusement park_," said Rogue sharply. "I doubt the guys controlling the rides are gonna let us bring beer in here."

"Dere's a bar," replied Gambit smugly. "Free drinks all weekend – let's go."

"I'm there mate." Pyro got up and accompanied Gambit to the bar. They returned five minutes later with drinks for everyone.

"This really does work," said Amara a few minutes later. "I feel better already!"

"Only because you're topping up your alcohol level," said Scott; trying to look severe in spite of the beer he was holding. "We'll end up feeling twice as bad tomorrow."

"And yet you're still drinking," said Jean.

"I don't care about tomorrow – I want to feel better now!"

"Few more of these and I might go on the roller coaster," said Pietro.

Toad threw his arm around Wanda's shoulder. "I'll take my crimson cutie on the tunnel of love!"

"I don't have the energy to hex you," groaned Wanda. "I must be dying."

"Uh, guys?" Kurt glanced over his shoulder. "About six Jamie's are in the food place and I think they're in the sugar."

"Oh no." Jean considered getting up to sort the clones out and decided she couldn't be bothered.

"He'll be alright," said Scott unconvincingly as three clones ran past, chocolate spread around their mouths, yelling incoherently.

"Oh for – I'll deal with it." Fred got up and lumbered toward where the clones were raiding the sweets.

"How's he so happy this morning?" Sam glared at Fred's back.

"The size of him, alcohol has hardly any effect on him," explained Lance, finishing his drink and creeping his hand onto Kitty's knee when he was sure none of the X-Men could see. "He can't get drunk."

"_Mon dieu_!" exclaimed a horrified Gambit. "Gambit t'inks he introduce Freddy to his home brew."

"Remy. For the love of all that's holy, ah'm begging you. NO!" Rogue shuddered as she envisioned what a drunken Blob could do in Vegas.

"_Chere_, you can't let the man spend his whole life sober. Dat's inhumane!"

"You don't need alcohol to enjoy yourself," said Scott, glancing at his empty bottle. "Anyone else want another drink?"

"It's purely medicinal," agreed Jean.

"If Logan and Storm find us today we're gonna die," said Rogue.

"They won't," replied Pyro, grinning at her. "I know romance and they found it!"

"Hello Pyro, still feeling nauseous over here!" Pietro glared at him. "Don't give me a reason to puke."

"You're just pissed about that girl slapping you last night."

"I had to check she really was a girl! Not my fault she took offence."

"Are we still going to the casino tonight?" asked Kurt, trying to change the subject.

"Try to keep Remy away!" said Gambit.

"One thing," said Scott as he stood to get more drinks. "No powers in the casino."

There was a chorus of complaints and Scott raised his voice to be heard over the noise. "I mean it! No powers. _Any_ of you. We don't want to attract attention." He glared at the Brotherhood, who all looked sulky.

"We won't attract any attention," said Pietro innocently. "So how about those drinks?"

"Quicksilver…"

Lance smirked. "If you two are going to have a lovers tiff then maybe we should go somewhere else…hey!" He ducked as Pietro threw a beer coaster at him, found himself with his cheek resting on Kitty's knee and decided to stay where he was.

"Don't worry Scott," said Jean, knowing it was futile to force the issue. "I'm sure that no one's going to use their powers."


	5. Saturday Night

Thanks to:

Todd Fan – Yeah, it's inhumane to be sober forever…I know that. This chapter is a day late because I was drunk!

Heartsyhawk – There is gonna be more torment for Pietro! I wanted to do some stuff with Jamie but I thought it was a bit dodgy to get him drunk ;) so I thought hyper Jamie would be amusing.

TheDreamerLady – Oh thank you! I always like to be told I'm wring the best story ever. Hope you enjoy this chapter just as much!

LadyEvils – Trust me, whatever happens in Vegas is gonna have to stay there just for the sanity of our fave mutants! Fred's not really the responsible one – he's just the sober one ;) See Wanda's powers in use right here!

Riderazzo – There's not much Lancitty fluff here although they are together! But there will be more in upcoming chapters…trust me ;)

Randomnity - Yeah I quite like getting your mini-segments about strange goings on in Mexico! It's like having a little story all my own to read, although I have gotten quite bewildered on occasion.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Poverty is my constant companion so please choose not to sue me.

**Author Note: **This is the longest chapter of the fic. I'll try to update every other day because the chapters from now on will be pretty short. No reason, except that I'm concentrating on a different drama in every chapter. Prepare yourselves for the morning afters!

"It's black. The lady wins again!"

"Yes!" Jean accepted her winnings which now totalled almost eight thousand dollars. "I'll put it all on black again."

The croupier spun the roulette wheel again. For a moment the ball teetered on the edge of hitting a red pocket, then fell to the other side to land on black.

"You win again!" The croupier looked slightly put out. "Lady, you must be psychic or something!"

"I must be," grinned Jean, examining the pile of chips and thinking about the many designer shops in Vegas that were open until the early hours.

A few tables over, Pietro was also having a suspiciously lucky streak on the Blackjack table, almost as if he knew what the other people at the table were holding.

"Drafty in here," commented a rosy-faced tourist who had given Pietro almost three thousand dollars in the last five hands.

"Yeah, it is." Pietro raised his stake a further two thousand dollars.

"You've got the luck of the devil!" exclaimed a blonde woman of about 50 as the players revealed their cards and they realised Pietro had won again.

Grabbing his winnings, Pietro turned to see his sister dropping the jackpot of a fruit machine, the third one that night. What was the probability of _that_?"

Wanda took the money and went to change it into notes. Gambling just didn't hold the same appeal when it was easy to win. On the way, she passed Gambit and Rogue playing poker, Remy seemingly winning and Rogue glaring at her cards in disgust.

"_Chere_! Did Gambit not teach you anything?"

"Ah'm just no good at this game," sighed Rogue, throwing her cards on the table and standing up. "Ah'm gonna get a drink."

She wandered off to the bar where she encountered Kitty and Lance. "Hey guys, you OK?"

"Great," said Lance with a snigger as he nodded in Kitty's direction. "She can barely walk!"

"That is a filthy lie!" said Kitty indignantly. "I'm as shober as a drunk!" This struck her as hilarious and she laughed so hard she toppled off her chair.

"Ouch!"

"Guys, I think we should leave," said Wanda as she approached them. "We're getting some evil looks off security. Too many of us are winning too big."

"So?" Kitty climbed back onto her chair and took a swig of her drink. "Mr Smash said we were his special guests and he owns the casino."

"No, Wanda's right," said Rogue. "Why push our luck? Besides, ah'm outta chips."

"Bet Remy would let you have some of his," said Lance slyly.

"Some of his what?" Kitty burst into fresh paroxsysms of laughter.

"Ah bet he wouldn't," said Rogue. "He's way too serious about his gambling. Probably the one thing he is serious about."

Fred and Todd wandered over tot hem and ordered drinks. "Yo, we saw a boxing competition advertised down the strip," said Todd. "Bet Fred could win some serious cash!"

"Yeah, ah really wanna watch two morons beat the crap out of each other." Rogue rolled her eyes.

"So don't come then," said Fred crossly.

"I'll get Pietro and see who else wants to come." Wanda finished her drink and made her way to the blackjack table where Pietro was laughing insanely after another big win.

"Come on Pietro," she said, grabbing his arm. "We're going to enter Blob into a boxing contest."

"But Wanda, I'm on a winning streak!"

"I'll hex you if you don't."

"OK, OK." Pietro left the table and took his chips to be cashed.

Eventually, Fred had the moral support of the entire Brotherhood as well as Kitty, Tabby, Amara, Sam, Bobby and Roberto. The other X-Men decided to stay in the casino.

"Wow, it's just like on TV!" said Fred in awe as they entered the place where the competition was held.

"They must do it every week," said Lance, looking at the posters.

"Don't you think it seems a little…rough in here?" asked Amara.

"I'll protect you," said Pyro cheerfully. Amara looked disturbed by this prospect.

A boxing ring dominated the room, people sat around in folding chairs. Two girls in glittery top hats and miniscule bikinis held up signs proclaiming round two and the audience roared. The first boxer was a heavily muscled man in his thirties. The second was younger, less well conditioned and obviously exhausted. The rest of the round lasted about seventeen seconds as the older man landed two vicious punches and his opponent went down for the count.

"Your winner – _Titus Tucker_!" The ring announcer was shouting into the microphone as though no one could hear him. "_Seventy-two_ wins in a row! If anyone can last three rounds with Titus Tucker, they win _one thousand dollars_! If you can defeat him, _five thousand dollars_! Who's next to challenge the champ? For an outlay of just a hundred dollars, you could end tonight as a _legend_!"

"Uh, can some one lend me a hundred bucks?" asked Fred. "I lost all my money in the casino."

"Here." Pietro handed Fred the money. "But I want double back."

Fred lumbered over to the ring and the otheres made themselves comfortable.

"A new contender!" bellowed the ring announcer. "Let's give it up for _Fred Dukes_!"

It was no contest. Titus Tucker hit the Blob with everything he had but Fred just absorbed the blows without complaint. By the fourth round Tucker was exhausted and Fred had no problem laying him out for the count.

"Your winner – the challenger, _Fred Dukes_!" The announcer looked pissed. "This young man wins _five thousand dollars_!"

"Yeah! GO FREDDY!" yelled Tabby.

"That's showing him mate!" hollered Pyro.

"WOO-HOO!" added Kitty loudly, standing up and waving her arms in the air. Fred grinned at them as he collected his money from the announcer and lumbered back over.

"Who's next for the chance to _win big_?" asked the announcer. There was a sudden rush from the crowd as people waved their money at the announcer, the sight of Fred beating the champ encouraging them that they could do it to.

"Alright!" Fred flipped through the wad of bills happily. "I'm rich!"

"Hi Freddy!"

Fred turned around to find himself face to face with the two bikini girls from the ring. "Uh, hey."

"I'm Cindi," said the first girl, a blonde with pale skin and a navel piercing.

"I'm Candi," said the second girl, an olive-skinned brunette with a stomach tattoo. "We've just finished our shift for tonight and since you're new to Vegas we thought we could maybe show you around for a bit?"

"Uh, sure!"

The two girls each took hold of one of Fred's arms and winked at the stunned group of mutants. "See you later guys!"

"Don't wait up," giggled Cindi.

"I've got some wine back at the hotel if you prefer," said Fred as he led the two girls away. "Got it from a Cajun who says it's a very good year…"

"Uh…" Kitty rubbed her eyes and blinked. "Did Blob just walk out of here with a gorgeous semi-naked girl on each arm or am I just really wasted?"

"Yes to both," said Todd.

Kitty took a sideways look at Lance, who was still staring after Fred in shock, and misread the look on his face. "Well, those girls were like, so false. Their boobs were like totally implants."

"Plastic fantastic," said Sam dreamily, causing Kitty to hit him upside the head.

"He never paid me back my money," grumbled Pietro.

"Come on guys," said Tabby. "Let's hit a club or something. I feel like dancing!"

"Yeah!" cheered Amara.

Pietro looked annoyed. "Hold on. Blob just walked out of here with _two_ girls and I've seen no action all weekend!"

Wanda smirked. "Well, there was Simone…"

"_Shut up_. Forget clubbing. I finally look old enough to drink – I'm going to a strip club."

"That's disgusting," growled Wanda.

"You're not invited anyway," snapped Pietro. "Boys only. Anyone else up for it?"

"Me!" yelled Roberto.

"No way am I missing this," added Bobby.

"Uh, it sounds like fun?" Sam didn't sound too sure but naked woman and alcohol were a combination few teenage boys could refuse.

"Think I'll go with the ladies," said Pyro, draping one arm over Amara's shoulders and the other around Tabby's.

"What ladies?" asked Bobby innocently. Tabby, Kitty, Wanda and Amara shot him death glares.

"I'm sticking with my snuggles," said Todd with a crafty look.

"Ugh."

"Come on!" Tabby shook herself loose from Pyro and grabbed Kitty's hand. "Are you coming with us or what?"

"Yeah, sure I am. Come on Lance!"

"But…" Lance was about to argue the joys of the strip club when he saw the look on Kitty's face and gave in. "Just don't expect me to dance."

"Have fun guys," shouted Pyro as he followed the others out of the building, leaving Pietro, Bobby, Sam and Roberto to find the nearest dtrip club.

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Back at the casino, Jean had finally been dragged away from the roulette table and was sitting in a bar down the strip with Scott, Rogue and Kurt. A phonecall from Phinneus Smash had ensured them complimentary drinks and the alcohol was flowing freely. Jean had her hand on Scott's leg and he was acutely aware of it sneaking higher every time she got another drink.

"I won _fifteen thousand dollars_!" she said proudly. "I need to go shopping before we leave tomorrow."

"Keeo drinking like that and you won't be up in time," said Kurt.

"Ah won nothing!" Rogue glanced mournfully into her glass. "Ah spent all week learning how t' gamble and ah didn't win a thing!"

"I lost too," muttered Scott. "Slot machine ate all my money, then Wanda comes along and puts in three dollars and won the jackpot! And I _said_ no powers!"

"And Jean won all that money without using her powers?" asked Kurt under his breath.

"What was that Kurt?" Jean's voice was innocent but her look was pointed.

"Oh, uh, I said, uh – oh look, there's Gambit!" Kurt waved at the Cajun through the window of the bar, glad of the distraction in spite of the mans constant attempts to get into his sisters underwear.

Gambit grabbed a drink and sat down beside Rogue, who smiled at him. "Did ya win sugar?"

"Remy always wins _chere_," replied Gambit, putting his arm around her. "How much have you had to drink?"

"Not much," lied Rogue. "You know. You've got great eyes. Ah mean it, ah'm not ust saying that to get you in to bed."

"Dat's a shame."

Jean's hand crept still higher up Scott's thigh and he abruptly pushed his chair away from the table. "It's late. I'm going back to the hotel. Jean, do you want to walk with me?"

"Yeah." Jean staggered slightly as she stood up and leant against Scott for support. "Goodnight!"

"Goodnight!" chanted the other three with knowing looks on their faces.

Scott and Jean got maybe 200 yards away from the bar when Jean spotted a convenient shadowy alleyway and shoved Scot into it. Before he could rotest, she shoved her tongue down her throat and her hands down his pants.

After a few seconds Scott pulled away breathlessly. "Why don't we go back to the hotel?"

"Yeah, soon," she murmered, pressing herself against him and kissing him again. Forgetting where he was, Scott pushed her shirt up, one hand toying with a nipple, the other sneaking up her skirt…

"Well ain't this sweet?"

"_SHIT_!" Jean spun around, showing the cop who had snuck up on them a generous portion of her left boob before her shirt fell back down.

"Uh, hi officer," said Scott nerviously. "I can explain everything. This lady wasn't breathing and I was performing CPR! Yeah, that's what I was doing."

"Nice try," said the cop with a smirk.

Jean gave him her best smile. "We'll just get back to our hotel now…"

"I don't think so missy," replied the cop. "I'm taking you in."

"_What_! Why?"

"Public indecency is a felony. We don't put up with that kind of thing in Las Vegas."

Scott looked imploring. "But officer…"

"Forget it!" The cop opened the door of his cruiser and motioned for them to climb in. "You're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anythng you say…"

Back at the bar, Rogue was getting increasingly giggly and flirty, Remy was feeling more and more pleased with himself and Kurt was growing ever more pissed off.

"Dat's nice _chere_," said Remy after Rogue gave him a list of all the reasons he was better than Scott and understanding Kurt's glare as meaning 'back off'. "Hey, look over dere!"

"Whuh?" Rogue followed his gaze to a solitary woman standing at the bar, sipping a drink and trying not to look at their table. "What about her?"

"She giving Kurt de eye!"

"Where?" Kurt looked up quickly and Remy almost groaned.

"Don' make it so obvious!"

"Yeah, right." Kurt looked back down at the table. "Is she looking at me again?"

"Oh yeah. She can't be much older den you. Tell you what, you go to the bar for de next order and offer her a drink. See if she wants to join de party. Den after a while Remy will take Rogue back to the hotel…"

Kurt growled.

"…Not what you t'inking, she just had to many drinks _non_? I make sure she get to de hotel safe den go back to de casino. Leavin you alone wit' de lady!"

"Well, I guess that could work." Kurt strolled over to the bar and placed an order, giving a sidelong look at the woman.

Rigue turned to Remy, irritated. "If you think you're gonna ditch me at the hotel Cajun, you got another think coming!"

"Shh _chere_. Remy got a surprise for you."

"What is it?"

"Later." Remy indicated for her to drop the subject as Kurt returned to the table with a tray of drinks, the woman following him.

"Uh, this is my sister Rogue and her friend _and nothing else_ Remy. Guys, this is Betsy."

"Hi," she said in an English accent, smiling at them and sliding into the seat beside Kurt.

"You here on holiday?" asked Remy.

"With my parents," replied Betsy. "I'm supposed to be safe in my room but what's the use of a fake ID if you don't use it?"

"No use at all," agreed Kurt with a grin. Obviously she knew they weren't all old enough to drink.

Dying to know what Remy's surprise was, Rogue downed her srink in one go and stood up. "Ah think ah'd better get back to the hotel."

"Remy will make sure you get back safely," said Remy.

Kurt looked at Betsy, then over at Rogue. "Maybe I ought to go back with you…"

"Stay." Betsy linked her arm with Kurt's and smiled at him. "Your sister will be fine."

"Beside, you don't want to be rude, _non_?" Remy smirked at Kurt and led Rogue out of the bar.

"So what's the surprise?" asked Rogue the moment they were out of earshot.

"Dis." Remy glanced around to make sure no one was watching, then pulled a thin yellow collar out of his pocket. "Remember de first time we met?"

"Yeah, you tried to blow mah hand off."

"_Oui_, it was romantic. Dat was a research centre into mutants, not just Sentinels. T'ink this would be bed in de wrong hands, so Remy…liberated it."

Rogue gave the collar a disdainful glance. "So, what is it?"

"Remy t'ink it's a power inhibitor. Put it on, your powers not work so well."

"Really? Have you tested it?"

"_Oui_. On St John. Couldn't make his lighter do anyt'ing. He was not happy."

"This is the best thing!" Rogue snatched the collar from him, then grabbed his hand and yanked him back in the direction of the hotel.

"What you gonna do with it _chere_?"

"Give you the best night of your life!"

"Remy was hoping you'd say that!"


	6. Elvis is in the building

Thanks to:

Todd Fan – Naughty Scott! And Fred never gets enough action in humour fics so I always try to let him get a little.

Heartsyhawk – Being drunk is the best excuse for acting out of character! And the morning afters are always amusing (when it's not me of course…)

TheDreamerLady – Nah, keep eating the sugar it's a great excuse for everything! I'm not an Amyro fan either but this is a very old fic when that was the couple you found on fanfic most often. But don't worry! It's not an Amyro…::cackles::

LadyEvils – In the original draft there was no power inhibitor for Rogue, just the flirting between her and Remy. A few things have been changed (like it was Lance who was pissed and not Kitty) and this was one of them because I was asked for Romy. It's probably a good thing I changed some stuff because in its original form this was actually a Kurtty – I really don't like them! Aside from added Romy and Lancitty this is pretty much the same as it was when I first wrote it last April.

Riderazzo – I'm glad you like the way I'm writing Rogue because I was a bit worried she grumbled too much. And I love writing Betsy because I don't have to substitute every "Bloody hell!" that I write! I had no one for Kurt and I hadn't put Amanda on the plane so he needed some lurve too!

Kitty – Hey, you have a cool name! I'm named after an X-Men character too but sadly not one of the cool ones (dammit!) It will be finished don't worry and there will be a few little surprises along the way…

Elmo the Cajun Puppet – Yeah, I like writing Romy although it's not something I do often (there's little that can be said that hasn't already been said – but it was still fun!) Glad you liked it and there will be more hints of Romyness throughout the rest of the fic!

Randomnity – Glad to hear you're out from the influence of the nefarious SUE (that made me laugh lots!) and also glad you liked the chapter!

**Author Note: ** As I said before, the chapters from now on are pretty short but I will be updating as often as possible. This would have been up sooner but I had a huge assignment to get finished (goddamn real life sucks!) but I hope you like this one and the next one should be up Tuesday night (UK time).

Disclaimer: I own no one in this chapter. I wish I did.

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Wanda opened one eye and groaned as she saw sunlight streaming through the window. She had to go home in a few hours and Lance _always_ hogged the bathrooms on planes. She doubted she'd be able to get through the take-off, the way her stomach felt.

How the hell did she get back to the hotel anyway?

She'd gone to the club with the others, had a few drinks. Todd had gone after an hour or so and she'd finally been able to relax. So she'd had a few more drinks. Then she'd played some silly drinking game with Pyro. The last thing she remembered with any clarity was laughing with Kitty and Lance at Tabby and Amara dirty-dancing to 'Hot Stuff'…

Closing her eye and trying to remember, she suddenly recalled being sat briefly alone when she was approached by –

"Uh-uh. No way."

Her eyes flew open and she groped the space behind her, hoping to find it empty. Instead she encountered an arm. She wasn't alone.

"Elvis?" she said in confusion, sitting bolt upright. No way did she believe she'd fallen into bed with some guy in a wig and a GI Joe uniform. Except she wasn't alone. And then another memory came back to her and she groaned.

"No. Please, no!"

She ripped the covers off the sleeping figure.

"_TOAD!"_

_"_Uh…morning snookums!" Toad smiled nervously, black Elvis wig still perched on his head. "Shall we get room service to bring us breakfast?"

"You – you –" Wanda leapt out of bed and glared at the boy. "You waited until I was drunk and pretended to be Elvis!"

"No!" Toad held his hands up and shook his head emphatically. "I dressed up as Elvis but I told you I wasn't him! And then I told you it was me and you kept calling me Elvis – I thought you were just playing along! I'm green for crying out loud!"

"You told me you got Lyme disease during the war!"

"I was _joking_!"

"But…" Wanda thought back, Toad's story stirring her memory. He was right. He'd told her who he was and she'd chosen not to believe him. Belatedly she realised she was stood in front of him wearing nothing but a red thong and quickly grabbed the sheet and wrapped it around her.

"I dunno honeybunch," grinned Toad. "It worked better for me without the sheet!"

Wanda snarled. "I'm going to get dressed." She stormed over to where she'd dumped her clothes, picked them up and was half way to the en-suite bathroom before she realised something was wrong. Black bra, black leather jeans, red top, red veil…

Uh-oh.

"Todd," she said in a strangled voice. "Please tell me we didn't do something stupid. Please tell me there's another explanation for the veil."

"Uh…" Toad looked even more nervous. "The thing is, you wouldn't take 'we can't' for an answer."

"Oh no. No. No!" Wanda stared at him in shock. "We're _married_?"

"Don't you remember the Elvis Igloo of Love?"

She did remember it now. Dragging two random people off the street for witnesses, the enthusiastic smooch she'd given him as they were pronounced man and wife, being carried into a hotel room by a grinning Toad…

"Why did they let us get married?" yelled Wanda. "We're underage!"

"We were wearing the image inducers and when they asked to see our passports you threatened to hex them through a wall."

"So we're _married_?"

"'Til death do us part cuddlebumps!"

"That can be arranged." Wanda glared at Todd but her heart wasn't in it. "At least it's not legally binding if we're underage…"

"Yeah, right." Todd climbed out of bed and put on his pants. "Y'know, I was drunk too yo. All I did was try to get you to like me and _you_ were the one who groped _me_ in that club and dragged me off to a wedding chapel even though I _warned_ you not to. And when we got back here you _insisted_ I spend the night with you! Hell, I wasn't gonna say no!"

Wanda felt a flush of shame. She'd behaved stupidly and now she was taking it out on Todd and he'd always looked after her. Hell, he'd even married her.

And he was kinda cute when he was mad. In a slimy way.

And he could to tricks with hat tongue that she couldn't believe…

"I don't believe I'm about to say this," she murmured, looking over at Todd who was searching for his shirt.

"What?" he snapped, still hurt.

Wanda took a deep breath. "Get back into bed."

Todd looked up quickly. "Huh?"

"I _said_ get back into bed." She dropped the sheet and walked over to him.

"You don't have to tell me twice!" Hardly able to believe his good fortune he leapt back into the bed and was delighted when Wanda jumped in after him.


	7. Jail

Thanks to:

Todd Fan – Todd gets the girl, yay!

LadyEvils – There are a couple more weddings on the way and not the people you might expect either :evil grin: Expect Lancitty in the next chapter!

Southern Goth Gal – Sorry sis but you can't hide Pie away from my evil intentions forever! I'm gonna bribe Oreo with tuna or something and then…HAHAHAHA! There will be Romy in either the next chapter or the one after (probably the next chapter). And I'll mail you either tonight or tomorrow…bad Wanda! I've been utterly snowed under by homework.

Heartsyhawk – The new series of CSI was on last night and it gave me some odd ideas as to wedding chapels, so expect a couple more of those underage weddings!

Riderazzo – There will be Lancitty in the next chapter and also probably some Romy (I'm in the unwritten territory there, in the original story I had neither so I'm gonna spin that straight out onto the computer). And my real name is Dani but my sisters call me Wanda because I'm either homicidal or sleeping.

Rogue14 – I think Logan and Storm are gonna have to be dragged out of their rooms (unless they make a surprise appearance during some mayhem…I haven't written the end yet so I don't know! Oh, and I will get to 'R for Revenge' as soon as I can and leave a review there.

Kitty – Glad you liked it! And my real name is Dani (not strictly an X-Man, I think she was in X-Force or X-Factor or similar) but my sisters call me Wanda because of my mood swings. From angry through to psychotic and back again!

Disclaimer: I'm not sick. But I'm not well…

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"Oh man." Scott blinked a few times as the room swam into focus. Everything was tinted red through his shades but that didn't hide the fact that he was in a jail cell. Arrested for public indecency. The Professor was going to go mad. Assuming that Logan left him alive long enough for him to get home. The few hours sleep he'd got in the hideously uncomfortable cell hadn't helped to make things any clearer.

"Scott? Are you awake?" Jean's voice drifted in from the next cell over.

"Yeah, just about." Scott sat up and rubbed his head. "Any idea how we get out of here without calling Logan?"

"Wait." Jean sounded confused. "Look in the cell opposite."

Scott glanced over at the cell and saw the familiar figure lying on the floor snoring.

"_Cannonball_?"

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Amara woke up feeling cramped and uncomfortable. She was about to roll over when she realised two things. The first was that she wasn't wearing her nightclothes; the second was that there was an arm beneath her neck. Instead of shifting position, she froze.

Uh…who's that?"

"Amara?"

"Tabby?"

"Oh wow."

"Yeah."

A few seconds silence.

"Tabby, could you please move your arm?"

"Um, that's not _my_ arm."

Amara sat up quickly and glanced over at the worried looking Boom-Boom before glancing down at the bed between them. Still smiling in self-satisfaction even in sleep was St John Allerdyce.

Magma voiced the thought for both of them.

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

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"Hey Sam, wake up!" Scott called across the cell.

"Whuh?" Sam rolled over and squinted at the two X-Men. "What are you two doing in jail?"

"You're in jail too Sam," said Jean.

"I _am_?" Sam rubbed his eyes blearily and tried to focus. "How did I get here?"

"We don't know Sam," said Jean. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"Uh…there was a boxing match. Then a few of us went to a strip club and we lost Pietro somewhere. Then Roberto said he was gonna sneak backstage and I went to the bar and I think I tripped…next thing I know the whole place was falling down and I was getting arrested!"

"You totalled a strip club?" Jean shook her head in disbelief. "The Professor's gonna stop your allowance for at least a month!"

"And the rest," added Scott. "But that doesn't matter now. We need to get out of here before Logan and Storm find out where we are. Not to mention what the others are getting up to."

Sam finally managed to drag himself to his feet. "So why not just get Jean to dip into the cops minds and persuade them to let us go?"

"That's a good idea," admitted Jean.

"You'd think we'd have thought of that right away," said Scott.

"But we didn't."

"How strange."

"Got that right."

"For crying out loud!" Sam raised his voice and winced at the vibrations going through his head. "Just do it and get us out of here!"


	8. Meanwhile, Back At The Hotel

Thanks to:

Heartsyhawk – The Prof is gonna go of his nut when they get home lol. I can just see him going nuclear at Logan…

Todd Fan – It's great to put Sam in the middle of things and there will be more New Recruit goodness soon!

Riderazzo – Wait no longer! Lancitty and my fist attempt at Romy are right here!

Arikitten – The others are starting to show up now and not all of them are in good moods…

TheDreamerLady – GO PYRO lol. The guy paying for it all is gonna be sorry that he did too!

Rogue14 – This is a pretty short chapter too. The plan was to update the short chapters frequently but my laptop went tits up so I haven't been able to. It's behaving itself at the moment, but for how long?

LadyEvils – When I first wrote the fic it seemed like the most popular pairings around were Pyro/ Amara or Tabby/ Amara but I wasn't a huge fan of either so decided to combine them ;) And you can expect more wedding insanity…

XME – Sam destroys a strip club! He's gonna be in trouble!

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters portrayed herein.

**Author Note: **This is my first attempt at writing Romy and I think it's a little cheesy. More fluff than a bunny convention! So let me know what you think.

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Kitty opened her eyes and wondered for a moment why she was soaked from the waist down. Then she realised she was in the Jacuzzi that her private room in Vegas offered and sighed in relief. It was better than the alternative.

She dragged herself out of the Jacuzzi and took stock. Her head felt heavier than usual but there were no missing limbs. There were missing clothes and several missing hours from the night before. Her right butt cheek stung and she turned her head around to check out why that was.

Lance chose that moment to walk back into the room bearing a bottle of champagne and a bag of donuts. "Hey pretty-Kitty, that's the kind of greeting I'd like to get _every_ morning!"

"Lance."

"What?"

"Why is your name tattooed on my ass?"

"You insisted on it. Said you wanted a lasting memory of the best night of your life!"

"I got a _tattoo_?"

"I told you you'd regret it in the morning but you seemed to think you'd never be sorry."

"You let me get a _tattoo_?"

"Only because you promised not to show it to Logan. I do _not_ need him killing me for something that was all your idea."

"_My_ idea?" Kitty twisted her torso around to get a better look. "There's little hearts around it!"

"You said it was sweet."

"I don't believe this!" Kitty went over to Lance, snatched the champagne out of the way and opened it, glugging straight from the bottle.

"You were pretty wasted Kitty. Maybe you should lay of the champagne or else you'll wake up with one on the other cheek!"

"You think this is _funny_? You're not the one who woke up with a tattoo this morning!"

"Well actually…" Lance rolled up his shirtsleeve and rather sheepishly displayed an attractively drawn tattoo of Kitty on his bicep. "You'd better not dump me again or else I'm screwed!"

Kitty smiled. "Maybe we should have just gotten married. Less permanent."

The look of horror on Lance's face made her go into hysterical gales of laughter. "What? You've got my face on your arm but you don't want it on your pillow?"

"There's no one I'd prefer to find on my pillow every morning," said Lance. "But if you want _my_ head to stay on my shoulders then it's best not to do anything to piss Logan off."

Kitty wrapped her arms around his waist. "Then I promise not to let him see my ass."

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"You _pervert_!"

_CRASH!_

"Calm down _chere_…"

"You were just waiting for me to get _drunk_!"

_SMASH!_

"_Chere_, don't t'row dat…"

_CRASH!_

"You low-down, no-good, sex-crazed sack of _crap_!"

Remy held up his hands, hoping to mollify an enraged Rogue. "It was all your idea!"

"_You_ brought the damn power dampening collar! You _planned_ it!"

"Well, _oui_ but…"

"Ah would _never_ have come back here with you if ah was sober!"

Remy smirked. "Right _chere_, just keep telling yourself that."

Big mistake. A flying bottle of champagne, fortunately empty, hit Remy in the head and knocked him over.

"_Ouch_!"

Rogue went over and planted a foot in a place where Remy would rather she didn't stomp. "You _cretin_! You just misdirected me with your booze and your sweet talk and your lovely tight jeans and your sexy eyes and…and, uh…"

"And de booze?"

"And your booze!"

Remy began debating how to get away before Rogue noticed and began to stomp. "Uh, _chere_, you t'ink you can move now?"

"Why should ah?"

"Remy's getting turned on."

Rogue moved her foot in a hurry, allowing Remy the chance to get up. He grinned. "You know, dat whole dominatrix t'ing suits you. Should do it more often."

""You…you…" Rogue ran out of words and instead grabbed Remy by the arms. They struggled for a moment; turning one eighty before Rogue shoved him away. He caught her by the wrists, thankful that she was still wearing the collar, and fell backward onto the bed, taking her with him.

Rogue blinked. "Uh…weren't we fighting?"

"_Oui_ but dis is our last day in Vegas and dere's no better way to remember it…"

_I'm still really mad at him _thought Rogue. _I'm just doing this to remember the weekend…_

_Just keep telling yourself that._


	9. Something Blue

Thanks to:

TheDreamerLady – Lance had better not get dumped any time soon or else he really is screwed lol. Glad the Romy wasn't too sappy!

Todd Fan – Mmmm…Remy in tight jeans…uh, yeah, uh, glad you liked it!

Rogue14 – I don't think Logan could get a tattoo coz the healing factor would push out the ink or something but it'd be funny to see him keep trying! And Remy dies deserve it, lol.

LadyEvils – Could you stay mad at that face? And those eyes? And the lovely tight jeans… :goes into rabid drooling fangirl mode:

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this chapter. If anyone would like to gift me with Pietro…

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Pietro climbed out of bed and yanked on his jeans, wondering how to get rid of last night's bimbo. She'd come on to him from the moment he walked into the strip club, confiding in him it was her first shift and giving him a free lap dance. She'd seemed comfortable enough swinging around a pole first shift or not and she'd asked to come back to his hotel afterwards. He'd drunk a lot of complimentary champagne and the journey home was a bit of a blur bit what had happened on their return was perfectly clear. She was pretty enough, tanned and blonde and not much older than he was but now he wanted her gone. Small talk the morning after was not much fun and he wanted to take his winnings shopping before they had to get back on the plane and go home to boring Bayville.

He went back to the bed and shook the sleeping woman. "Hey, uh…" _Shit, what's her name again?_ "…It's time I went to get my plane."

She opened her eyes and blinked up at him. "Don't you mean it's time that _we_ went to get _our_ plane?"

"What are you talking about?"

In response she held up her left hand. A shiny ring was placed on her third finger and Pietro backed away from the bed in a hurry. "Uh-uh, no way. I was _not _that drunk!"

"Are you sure you're not missing the journey home?"

"Well yeah, but…wait, how did you know?"

"I've got a friend who's a telepath. She, uh, talked you into it. Look, the photos are on the dresser."

Fighting panic, Pietro sped to the dresser and shuffled quickly through the stack of photos. There he was in front of what looked like…

"An _alien_? I got married by an _alien_? I refuse to believe that extra-terrestrials can get a licence to wed, even in Vegas!"

"He's only dressed as an alien, silly-Billy. It was the nearest place open and we got free ET badges!"

Pietro returned his attention to the pictures. There he was in front of an alien with a dog collar on with a girl whose name he couldn't recall, a goofy grin on his face. The girl was wearing a white bikini, spiked sandals and a veil. He'd found a bow tie from somewhere but lost his shirt.

"You brainwashed a total stranger into marrying you?" Fighting his panic was a losing battle. "_Why_? I don't even remember your name!"

"That's OK. I didn't tell you my real name anyway," she replied calmly. "I did it because the first time I saw you, back in Bayville, I wanted you and I knew you wouldn't go near me so when I heard about your trip to Vegas I got a plane. I overheard you planning to go to the club and got my friend to make the manager think I was one of the dancers."

"But…I would have seen you before if you're from Bayville! Who _are_ you?"

"Well…" The girl smiled and began to change, her skin turning blue and the blonde hair going red. Pietro took one look, shrieked like a girl and fled the room. A moment later he was stood outside Wanda's room, hammering at the door.

"Wanda? _Wanda? WAAAAAAAANDAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_"

"Piss off Pietro!"

"Let me in! I need help!"

"You will if you don't go away!"

"Yeah, get lost yo!"

At the sound of Toad's voice coming through the door, Pietro let out another shriek and ran away again. He opted to disturb Lance instead and started pounding his door. "Hey Lance, it's the end of the world and everyone's gone insane! Lance! You there?"

There was no reply and Pietro went to Kitty's room and repeated the process. "Kitty! I need help! Tell Lance to get out here!"

"He can't," Kitty yelled back. "He's rubbing cream on my butt!"

"UURGHH!" Pietro ran in circles for a moment, wondering who else might be able to solve his problem.

One of the doors down the hall flew open and Tabby poked her head out. "Hey Speedy, keep the noise down!"

"Yeah," added Amara from beside her. "Some of us are _tired_!"

Pietro ran over to them. "You've gotta help me it's terrible it's…wait, isn't this Pyro's room?"

"Yeah, it is," growled St John from within. "Shut up and bugger off!"

"Bye-bye!" Tabby blew Pietro a kiss and slammed the door in his face.

"OK, nothing to worry about," muttered Pietro to himself. "I must have died and gone to hell. Yeah, that's logical. More logical than Pyro scoring with two X-chicks at once anyway."

_Bamf!_

"What's going on here?" asked Kurt sleepily, a towel wrapped hastily around his waist. He glanced over Pietro's shoulder and his eyes widened. "Mystique?"

Pietro spun around to see Mystique had followed him into the hall. "Hello son," she said to Kurt. "Nice to see you getting along with your new stepfather."

Kurt turned his attention back to Pietro. "My new _what_?"

Giving up, Pietro did the only thing left for him to do. He fainted.


	10. Breaking the Ice

Thanks to:

Todd Fan – I'm still thinking of evil things to do to Pietro so save some pity for him then too…

LadyEvils – I think of Mystique secretly lusting after Pietro and get a shudder! Nah, Crystal will probably never turn up in a fic of mine because she's evil! She dumped Pietro and for that she will never be forgiven!

Bant – Hey thanks! I'm not brilliant at summaries but I do go a touch insane during the fic!

Rogue14 – Nope, you should never eat while reading a fic of mine, you'll only get ill! I'm always going to envision hair when I think of Logan's butt now…I'll have to stop doing it!

A Cute But Psycho Bunny – I too love Vegas fics and just had to try one of my own! Pietro and Mystique, very disturbing…the next time I write a romance/ humour fic I'm gonna be hard pressed to top that one!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

**Author Note: **The end of the last chapter was as far as I wrote the original fic. So from now on I'm doing the best I can with my own initiative. And so next chapter – Logan and Storm leave the room! Oh, and I'll have the next chapter of 'And I Feel Fine' up this week, I'm snowed under at the moment and I don't have a lot of time.

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Bobby opened one eye cautiously and winced at the bright sunlight. He didn't remember much after fleeing the strip club after it started to fall down. He had lost the others and forgotten the name of the hotel so he'd gone to another bar and begun to drink away his moderate winnings. And then a blur.

His bed was hard and soggy.

Having a sudden bad thought, he sat up and looked around. He was in the middle of a car park somewhere, the igloo he had drunkenly constructed around him melting in the Las Vegas heat, the ice bed disintegrating into slush beneath him.

"Oh shit!"

He glanced around wildly for his clothes, realising he was wearing only boxers, but they were nowhere to be seen. His money was in the pocket of his jeans and now that was gone too. And his hotel key.

"Oh _shit_!"

A couple of guys passed by and gave him the boy in the pile of melting snow a curious look before bursting out laughing. Bobby quickly stood up and decided to hurry back to the hotel. He couldn't be that far away and if he were early enough, there would be fewer people around.

He was halfway up the strip when he ran into trouble. A gang of girls were piling out of a casino, drunk and giggling. Most of them wore pink T-shirts with slogans on – 'Boozy Barbs', 'Drunken Di' and 'Rude Ruth' among them – except for one that wore a veil covered in L-plates and condoms. Bobby's heart sank. He had just run into the single scariest thing known to mankind.

A hen party.

"It's the stripper!" Boozy Barbs pointed to Bobby and he realised this was the worst time possible to be semi-naked in the middle of Vegas.

"No! Leave me alone!"

It was too late to run. The woman surrounded him, giggling. One of them pinched his ass and Bobby squeaked and spun around.

"He's cute!" announced Drunken Di. "Can I keep him?"

"NO!"

"Did you lose you're shirt last night?" Boozy Barbs lived up to her name by blowing stale alcohol breath in his face.

"My girlfriend's waiting for me…"

"She let's you go out like that, she doesn't deserve you." Rude Ruth slapped Bobby on the ass and he turned around quickly.

"This is sexual harassment!"

"No it isn't," said Rude Ruth. "_This_ is sexual harassment!"

"Get off that!"

"You're cold," said Boozy Barbs. "Want us to warm you up?"

"_HELP!"_

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Jean, Scott and Sam were walking down the road, still too chagrined about their night in jail to want to hurry back to the hotel. The plane didn't leave until mid afternoon and Jean was hoping Logan and Storm didn't make it out of their room until just before it left. That way she could take a visit home just as soon as they returned and not go back to the Institute until everyone had stopped shouting.

"Thanks for erasing my name from their memories," said Sam.

"Only because we're supposed to be looking after you and I don't want anyone to know what you did," she replied. "But you owe me Cannonball."

Scott glanced over to a nearby casino. "Can you believe there are still people gambling at this time in the morning?"

"It's not that early," said Sam.

"Jean glanced over and frowned. "What's going on over there?"

"_HEEEEEEELPP!"_

Jean and Scott exchanged weary looks. "Bobby."

With a sigh, Jean telekinetically lifted Bobby from the centre of the girls. Boozy Barb made a grab for his boxers as he went up and there was a moment when Bobby thought he might be suspended in the air with no clothes on and he hung on to the waistband desperately. There was a tearing sound and Boozy Barbs found herself hanging on to a strip of green fabric as Bobby flew over the road and landed safely with Jean, Scott and Sam.

Scott scowled as he noticed Bobby was wearing nothing but a pair of tattered boxers. "What's been going on?"

"Some one stole my clothes!"

"Them?" Jean indicated to the group, who were debating whether or not to go after Bobby.

"Don't let them get me! Look at me, I'm covered in lipstick!"

"That's no way for ladies to behave," agreed Jean. She concentrated for a few seconds, then suddenly the group of women began clucking, waving their arms in the air and attempting to peck at the ground.

"It has been a _very_ long night," said Jean as she saw the looks the others were giving her. "Come on, let's get back to the hotel and find what's happened to the others, see how many other peoples minds I have to erase."

"Shouldn't you do something about them?" asked Scott, indicating to the group who were clucking loudly.

"It'll wear off soon."

"Not too soon I hope," said Bobby, examining the ruins of his underwear.

"In about a week or so."

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Ray had escaped from the others early in the night and had no idea that no one had noticed he was gone. He was planning to return soon but this had been too good a chance to miss.

A quick word with Phinneus Smash had secured him all of his rides on the largest, highest, fastest roller coaster in Vegas free. He had been riding it since 8pm the previous night and was still going strong.

He yelled along with the others in the car as it went down a steep dip at top speed. The others could get as drunk as they liked and play cards right up until the moment the plane left for all he cared – there was nothing better than twelve straight hours on a roller coaster.

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Roberto took in the surroundings and realised he was in trouble.

His father was a billionaire. His family home was a mansion that put the Xavier Institute to shame. He was used to the best hotels, the best rooms, the best of everything.

He'd never before experienced dank.

There were mushrooms growing on the ceiling. He blinked a couple of times, wondering if he was hallucinating, but the mushrooms remained. He sat up, looking blearily around. He had been lying on a bare mattress, a blanket thrown over him and he was pleased to realise now that he was fully dressed, if somewhat rumpled.

"Dude!"

He glanced into the far corner and realised there was a scrawny boy sat over there, overgrown hair so pale it was almost white and his body almost lost beneath the voluminous purple shirt he was wearing. His knees were pulled up to his chest and the jeans he wore were torn and covered with scribbling in magic marker.

Roberto blinked as the boy gave him a smile. "You hungry? Spooky's making breakfast. Hope you like tofu."

"Spooky?"

"Yeah man, she thinks you're the best! She said last night that you tipped her three hundred big ones before you went in the club and when it started falling down you carried her to safety!"

Roberto thought back furiously and suddenly remembered giving a waif-like busker near the club three hundred dollars. She looked like she needed feeding up. Pietro had snorted and said she'd probably spend it all on drugs. Then he'd gotten cosy with a dancer and vanished. Then Sam had gone to the bar, tripped over and smashed through a load-bearing wall. The building had begun falling down around them and he'd done what he could to help before realising he couldn't see Sam, there were cops everywhere and he was bound to get the blame when they found out he was sitting with the person who caused it all and he was a mutant…

"She said it was totally gnarly."

Roberto regarded the man, who also looked like he could do with a decent meal. "I was pretty drunk. Didn't Sam come back here too?"

"Nah, you were looking all over for him but Spooky made you come back here before they could bust you. She saw the cops take one of your friends away and figured you might be going with."

Spooky chose that moment to walk in, a thin girl with a shaved head, a tuft of pink at one side and a thin green plait at the back the only remnants of hair. She went straight over to Roberto and handed him a plate of mush.

"Eat up."

Roberto looked doubtfully at the plate and took a careful mouthful. It tasted better than it looked. Spooky regarded him with some amusement. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Not too good," admitted Roberto. "I should have gone after Sam."

"Nothing you could do," said Spooky casually. "You seemed to think that some one called Logan would stab you if you went back to the hotel so I brought you back here."

Roberto froze, forkful of tofu halfway to his mouth. "Oh no, Logan's gonna _disembowel_ me!"

"No dude," said the skinny boy casually. "Violence solves nothing man. It's bad for your karma."

"Do you remember RJ?"

"Not really," said Roberto weakly.

"No problem dude." RJ dug into his shirt pocket and pulled out a slightly battered joint. "You were wasted!"

"We met in Texas," explained Spooky. "Picked him up hitch-hiking. Been travelling together ever since."

"Trying to make it to California, figured we might as well stop in Vegas for a while." RJ took out a box of matches and lit one, cupping his hands to protect the flame. "No hurry man, no hurry."

"We've been making good money," added Spooky. "Getting enough for gas so we don't have to stop anywhere on the way."

"Right." Roberto finished the tofu and stood up. "Look, I ought to get back to the hotel and let some one know what happened to Sam."

"I'll give you a ride," said Spooky, grabbing some keys from her pocket. "Let's go."

"You don't have to…"

"I know. Let's go."

"Hang loose bro!" shouted RJ as he watched the pair through a cloud of fragrant smoke.

Spooky showed Roberto to a hot pink Beatle and he winced as he slid into the passenger seat, hoping none of the others saw hi arriving back in that. Spooky drove him all the way to the front of the hotel, a surprising distance away and Roberto insisted on giving her the address of the Institute, telling her to call by if they were ever in the neighbourhood. He smiled a little, imagining what the others would say if Spooky and RJ ever appeared on the doorstep. Logan would have a fit.

Always assuming he was still alive to greet them after Logan had finished with him. The only choice he had was to find Scott or Jean and get them to do something before Logan found out that Sam had been arrested and Roberto hadn't gone to get help for him.

Exiting the car and fighting his way through a group of woman who were all inexplicably clucking, he ran into the hotel and


	11. Room Service

Thanks to:

Bant – Hey, reviewing your fic was certainly no hardship I enjoyed it! Hope this update is soon enough and hope to have the next chapter up tomorrow night (assuming I get all my homework finished).

Todd Fan – I live in the hen party capital of Britain and trust me, Saturday nights are very scary when they're around! Out of control doesn't even begin to describe it!

TheDreamerLady – The real end of the sentence is in the author note, sorry about that! Glad you liked the hen party.

A Cute But Psycho Bunny – You need to save some pity for the people in the next couple of chapters too! Spooky kinda weirded me out too, I've no idea where she came from!

Rogue14 – Good guess about the end of the sentence! And no, there's something about butt hair that I find strangely repellent…not that I envision Logan's ass on a regular basis, honest!

LadyEvils – Ray ended up on the roller coaster because I wanted at least one of them do have no regrets the next morning! I figured that Jean's had a pretty rough night and she could have a little flash of Evil Jean given the circumstances!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. I merely torment them for my own amusement. They plan their revenge daily!

**Author Note: **Two things. Firstly, apologies to everyone who noticed the unintentional cliffie, FF cut off the end of the sentence! It should have read "Exiting the car and fighting his way through a group of woman who were all inexplicably clucking, he ran into the hotel and pushed the button for the elevator." Still a bit of a cliffie, but not as bad as the mid-sentence thing. Secondly, I'm having some issues with my computer and it seriously needs to get repaired. This will be done probably in the next week or so. If they become too bad, I might not be able to update so don't worry too much about that. I haven't forgotten about it!

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Mystique casually hoisted her unconscious new husband over her shoulder and took him back to their room. Kurt watched them, vaguely disturbed. Surely Pietro couldn't really have married his mother…

_Bamf!_

He teleported back to his room and found Betsy already getting dressed. She turned and gave him a smile. "Hey Kurt. Sorry, I've got to run. I've got a photo shoot this afternoon and I must look like a _hag_!"

"You never could," said Kurt. "So…I have to go this afternoon."

"That's a shame," said Betsy. "But I left you a photo of me and my E-mail address. Enjoy!"

"Wait – you're a model? You never said!"

"Yeah, that's what I'm doing here. My parents came along but I snuck out. If I miss this shoot, my life won't be worth living. Mail me. And if you're ever in England, I'll do that thing with your tail you liked so much!"

Betsy blew him a kiss and left the room. Kurt stared after her for a moment then went over to the dresser where she had left the picture and her E-mail. He picked it up and a wide grin appeared on his face. It was a Polaroid she'd obviously taken that morning, wearing her underwear, a smile and nothing else.

"Ha! Just wait 'til the others see what _I_ got in Vegas!"

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"Wake up! It's Sunday lunchtime!"

"Whuh?"

"Logan, we've left the kids alone in Vegas for the entire weekend!"

Logan opened his eyes and sat up in a hurry. "What?"

Storm, dishevelled and panicked, was already searching for her clothes. "I wanted to go check on them yesterday but _no_, you just had to do it again!"

"Hey, don't blame me for this!" Logan jumped out of bed and rescued his jeans from the overhead fan. "You were the one who dragged me into bed into the first place!"

"I did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not…_where is my bra_?"

"You threw it out of the window."

"That was _you_!"

"It was not – what happened to my shirt?"

"You are not blaming me for that. You're the one with the claws."

"I sure as hell didn't scratch my own back! Look at the state of this, good thing I've got a healing factor."

"Think it'd get over a bolt of lightning?"

Logan growled and yanked on the ripped shirt. "Those kids better have behaved themselves, that's all I'm saying."

"Relax." Storm rested a hand on his arm. "None of them look over 21. It's not like they can have got drunk and married is it?"

Logan was about to snarl a reply when Ororo's cell phone started ringing. She picked it up, checked the caller ID and winced.

"Hello Charles."

Logan made frantic gestures at her, trying to tell her not to let on that they had no idea what the students had been up to.

"Everything is just fine Charles. No, no one used any powers. It did? Cerebro must be wrong then." She froze, a look of horror creeping over her face. "_How_ many image inducers missing? No, I'm sure the students don't have them. They'll turn up somewhere. Have you looked behind the fridge?"

Logan thought fast. "Uh, 'Ro, Wanda's chasing Toad with hex bolts again!"

"Did you hear that Charles? I have to go before she blows a hole in the wall. We'll see you in a few hours!"

She cut off the call and looked up at Logan worriedly. "There are enough image inducers gone from the Institute for every one of our students and the Brotherhood too!"

"Oh crap." Logan pulled open the door and left Storm hurriedly getting dressed. The first person he ran into was Roberto. A mysteriously aged Roberto. He grabbed the startled boy by the collar.

"OK DaCosta, start talking!"

"I don't know anything! I haven't seen anyone!"

Logan tore the image inducer from his wrist, revealing Roberto's true image. "Who took these? Was it Gambit? Do I get to kill Gambit?"

"No, I got it from, uh, room service!"

_Snikt!_

"Start talking bub…"

"Logan, put that boy down." Ororo's voice was stern and Logan reluctantly dropped Roberto.

"Where are the others?" she asked.

"I don't know, I haven't seen anyone, honest!"

The elevator pinged, causing all three to look up. Bobby stepped out wearing the shredded remains of his underpants, followed by Sam, Scott and Jean.

"I think we made it before anyone noticed…" Bobby turned and noticed Logan standing menacingly over Roberto. "Uh-oh."

"Bobby, what happened to your clothes?" Ororo was starting to get a headache.

"I, uh, got mugged?"

"And you three?"

"We were shopping!" said Jean quickly.

"With your new _image inducers_ on?"

"Uh…" Jean tried to think of an excuse. "We got them from room service?"

"That one's been tried already," said Roberto.

A door down the corridor opened and a purple-haired girl that none of them recognised stepped out and blinked at the scene.

"Don't mind me," she said in a British accent, trying to step around them.

"Wait a minute!" Ororo stepped in her way. "If we're the only people staying in the hotel, then who are you?"

"Uh, room service!"

"In that outfit?"

"This is Vegas!"

Another door opened and two girls in sparkly bikinis walked out, giggling. The British girl indicated toward them. "See what I mean?"

"Hey, it's those girls that Fred scored with after the boxing match last night!" Sam goggled at the pair. Betsy used the distraction to make her escape.

Logan glared at him. "Boxing match?"

"It was, uh, on the TV and then they, uh, brought him room service!"

"Looks like it," muttered Scott.

Logan shot him a dirty look. "And aren't you two supposed to be the team leaders? Why are all these strange women wandering around the hotel?"

Scott shrugged. "Aren't you two supposed to be the chaperones?"

Logan and Ororo exchanged glances. Logan sighed. "Right, damage control. We _know_ everyone had an inducer. We have to make sure everyone's here and no one did anything stupid. Scott, you and Jean are still single right?"

"We're not _stupid_ y'know," replied Scott.

"So how did you both end up getting arr - umph!" Sam's words were mysteriously cut off when he was hit in the face by a flying plant, one of the many that decorated the hallway.

"Wow, how did that happen?" said Jean innocently.

"Right, let's split up." Logan looked down the hallway. "Scott, Jean, go find the Brotherhood and make them leave behind anything they've tried to steal. Sam, you find the other New Recruits. Bobby, go put some clothes on. 'Ro, you find Kurt and see if Kitty's in her room."

Ororo scowled. "And what exactly are _you_ going to do?"

_Snikt!_

"I'm going to kill the Cajun."


	12. Misconceptions and Hostages

Thanks to:

Todd Fan – There's a vase behind my fridge. I have no idea why.

A Cute But Psycho Bunny – Logan is about to find Remy and I don't think anyone's gonna be happy when he does – BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

TheDreamerLady – Oh come on! What could Logan do to Gambit:thinks about it: GET GAMBIT OUT OF VEGAS! RUN!

LadyEvils – Tsk, not supposed to be on the computer? You bad girl! I didn't have room for them to find all the kids but a few of the kids are in deep trouble…

Elmo The Cajun Puppet – The warped romance continues! And there will be more!

Riderazzo – I shouldn't be updating now! I have a stack of homework to do before tomorrow – but what the hell. I'd rather be doing this. Hope this update is fast enough!

Rogue14 – It's not _Gambit's _innocence you should be worried about!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this chapter. But I do own pictures of Pietro in a bathroom!

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Logan considered knocking at Gambit's door and then dismissed the idea. Instead, he used his claws to slice around the lock and a good solid kick had the door wide open in seconds. He stormed in, ready to dismantle the Cajun. He wasn't ready for the sight that greeted him.

"What the _hell_?"

"_Mon dieu_!"

"Get _outta_ here Logan!"

Going pale, Logan raced from the room as fast as he could. He had been prepared for glib explanations followed by a fight. He hadn't been prepared for Rogue's ass.

Rogue had yanked the sheet up around her when Logan had walked in. She glared at Gambit. "You've got me in trouble now!"

"Dat was all your doing _chere_. But you saved Remy from dat madman!"

"Actually, ah think ah just postponed it," said Rogue nervously. "Now he's gonna kill you instead of just maiming you!"

"Hmm…" Gambit got out of bed and looked in the bag he'd packed for the trip. "Maybe he take a bribe?"

Rogue looked at the bottle of Gambit's special super-strong home brew and sighed. "Just when ah thought things couldn't get any worse…"

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Jean knocked on Pietro's door and waited a moment, sure that the boy had brought the purple haired girl back. She had come from this direction. That meant that he would either be sleeping or he'd be dressed already.

The door flew open and Pietro fell out. "Jean! You've got to help me!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Mystique's after me!"

"Mystique? Where?" Jean barely had the time to consider what the boy had said before Mystique emerged from the room.

"GAAAH!" Pietro leapt into Jean's arms. "Help!"

Mystique glowered at Jean. "Put down my husband you tramp!"

"Your _what_?"

"My _husband_. We got married last night. We're going to be very happy and have lots and lots of babies!"

"You're not serious?" Jean glanced down at Pietro. "You married her?"

"Hey, she tricked me! She's been after me ever since I first got to Bayville and she followed us here and pretended to be a stripper and then she had me hypnotised!"

"Well, I think you can get the whole thing annulled if it hasn't been consummated."

Mystique smirked. "Too late."

"Urgh!" Jean dropped Pietro in a hurry. "Quicksilver, how could you?"

"I didn't know it was her!"

"Look, we can sort this whole thing out," said Jean soothingly. "I'll bet Logan and Storm will be able to sort this out…"

"You want other people to know? No _way_!"

"Everyone's going to know," said Mystique. "We'll have to have a reception. We can have it at the Brotherhood house! We can put an announcement in the Bayville Times and we'll have to get a place of our own of course but I've stolen enough money by now to get a nice place with a big bedroom and a nursery – two nurseries! Or maybe even three…"

"I'll tell," whimpered Pietro.

"Come on then," said Jean. Pietro grabbed her and sped away, leaving Mystique still musing about colour schemes for the kitchen.

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Scott hammered on Wanda's door; glad he'd drawn the more sensible twin. She might be homicidal, deranged and in serious need of anger management therapy, but at least he wasn't about to find some weirdo in her room.

Or so he assumed. When the door was opened, he found himself looking at a dishevelled Todd, wearing an Elvis wig, a towel and a smirk.

"Oh…I thought this was Wanda's room," said Scott. "Anyway, we're supposed to be meeting downstairs for a late breakfast and some damage control strategies so if you could get dressed…"

"I'll be there in five minutes. My work here is done!"

Scott suddenly realised what was different. "Tolansky, have you had a shower?"

"Yeah."

"Wearing a wig?"

"It's my lucky hairpiece. I'm never taking it off again!"

Wanda appeared at the door behind Toad and wrapped her arms around him. "He's squeaky clean now. I made sure of it!"

Scott gaped. "This _is_ your room! I knew it!"

"It's our room now," she said.

"'Til death do us part snookums," said Todd, giving her an adoring look.

"We got married last night," explained Wanda. "We're going to be a family!"

Scott thought of the children and ran away screaming.

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Ororo knocked at the door and a moment later Kurt opened it, dressed and ready to start a new day.

"I see you didn't succumb to whatever the others have been doing," she said.

"Me? I've not been doing anything! I just stayed in my room the whole weekend except for a while yesterday when we went to the amusement park!"

"Really?" Storm wasn't convinced but Kurt was a picture of innocence. She was about to question him further when a breeze sprang up that she hadn't caused and suddenly Pietro was stood in front of her, carrying Jean.

"You have to help me!"

Storm blinked. "Why are you carrying Jean? Is this some kind of hostage thing?"

"Uh…yes! Yes! I've taken Jean hostage and you'll never get her back until you have my marriage annulled!"

"OK Pietro, calm down," said Storm.

"Yes, don't do anything rash…" Kurt couldn't resist. "…Father."

"That's it! Red's gonna die now!" Pietro whipped his comb out of his back pocket and waved it around. "I'm not afraid to use this! I'm a mutant on the edge!"

Storm tried not to smirk. "You married _Mystique_?"

"Yeah, but I didn't know it was her! And if you don't get me a quickie divorce Red's gonna get a _mullet_!"

Jean's eyes widened. "_Noooooo_!"

"You and Lance can look like twins!" Pietro brought the comb closer and Jean shrieked.

"Pietro, just put the comb down and we can sort this whole thing out," said Storm.

"Sort it out now!"

"I'll see a lawyer before we leave," said Storm. "Just put the comb down!"

Pietro glanced at the comb and handed it over to Storm. Jean sighed in relief. Scott chose that moment to run screaming down the hall.

"It's horrible! Horrible! Some one wash my brain!"

Kurt stuck out a foot and tripped Scott up. "Calm down and tell us what's wrong."

"Wanda and Toad got _married_!"

Pietro looked horrified. "I'm related to _Toad_?"

For the first time Scott noticed that Pietro was still carrying Jean. "Uh, what's going on?"

Storm sighed. "Wanda wasn't the only Maximoff twin to get married last night."

"She wasn't?" Scott jumped to the wrong conclusion. "Jean! How could you?"

"Huh?"

"You _planned_ to get me arrested and you used your telepathy to make me think that you were in the cell next to mine when all the time you were here getting married to Pietro!"

Jean quickly pushed herself out of Pietro's arms. "That's not right!"

"No it isn't! You're supposed to be my girlfriend, not his wife!"

"I didn't marry her," insisted Pietro.

"He married Mystique," finished Storm.

"Mystique? That's Mystique?" Scott shed his shades and blasted Jean. She flew down the hallway in a flash of red.

"Scott, that's not Mystique," said Kurt. "It really is Jean."

Jean got to her feet and glared at Scott, who looked embarrassed. "Oops?"

"I'll give you oops!" Jean ran toward Scott, snatching the comb from Storm. Scott shrieked and fled.

"Come back here!" Jean refused to give up chase and in a few seconds they were out of sight.


	13. Learning Lessons

Thanks to:

A Cute But Psycho Bunny – Hah, Jean in a mullet! And Lance and Kitty are in big trouble if anyone at the mansion spies her ass any time soon…

Riderazzo – I liked the idea but the fic won't last long enough for either of them to find anything like that out. They're on the last day now! Would have been cool though, Lance running off into the distance with Remy trying to keep up and Logan chasing after the pair of them, roaring. And _way_ behind him, the Professor chasing all of them!

TheDreamerLady – I'm so damn mean to Scott! And I'll be making it stop soon…but not yet, hah! I don't know who's gonna be more traumatised, Pietro or Kurt!

Elmo The Cajun Puppet – I admit it, I'm psychotic! A couple more chapters to go yet…

Todd Fan – I really have no idea where the thought of Pietro using the comb to threaten Jean came from but I just had to keep it in there!

Rogue14 – Asses seem to be a running theme throughout this fic!

Randomnimity – Hah, I've missed your insane reviews! Oh God, bizarre conga lines and tequila highs, sounds like the last party at the PB house!

LadyEvils – There wasn't an intentional link but I loved the thought of Scott thinking that Jean was Mystique and although I've done it before I thought I could get away with doing it again! Kurt to be caught out? Haven't decided yet…

Disclaimer: Not mine.

**Author Note: **Sorry this chapter took so long to put up. I'd like to blame it on computer problems but it was actually a serious case of the dreaded writers block. I've always found that the best way to work through that is to keep on typing but it takes a while before anything actually works.

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Sam and Roberto looked everywhere, but neither Ray nor Amara were in their rooms, the bar or anywhere else. They were beginning to get worried when they heard Tabby's voice coming from a room nearby.

"That must be Tabby's room," said Sam with relief. "I bet she's in there!"

Roberto knocked and waited a moment. Tabby threw the door opened and grinned at them. "Hey guys!"

"We're, uh, all meeting up to get our stories straight before we get back to Bayville," said Sam. "Come on, let's go. Do you know where Amara is?"

"Sure, she's in here." Tabby turned and went back into the room. Sam and Roberto took that as a cue to follow her.

Amara was in the process of zipping up her boots, fully dressed much to the disappointment of the boys. They both did a double take when they realised that Pyro was in the room too.

"Uh…why is the psychotic weirdo here?" asked Roberto.

"Watch who you're calling psycho mate," said Pyro cheerfully. "This is my room."

"O-_Kay_," said Sam. "So why are you two here?"

"These are me birds," said Pyro. "Where else would they be?"

"No way," said Roberto. "You're his _birds_?"

"_Both_ of you?" Sam gaped at the pair.

"We love him," said Amara happily. "And each other!"

"There's enough of me to go around," added Pyro. "And if I can talk them into it, we can make plenty of money selling the video on the net."

"We'd do anything for you St John," said Amara. "All we need is a camcorder!"

"I've got the body oil," said Tabby.

Sam and Roberto stared open mouthed at Pyro. Then Roberto got to his knees.

"You are the master. Please teach me your secret!"

"And me," said Sam.

"Boys, I'd love to," said Pyro. "But as you can see, I'm going to have me hands full!"

"_Please_!" said both boys in unison.

Pyro sighed. "I'll see if I can clear a spot in my diary when we get back to Bayville. But I want to get paid!"

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Deciding that it might not be the best time for Scott and Jean to after the rest of the Brotherhood, Storm decided to go and search out Lance, Fred and Pyro herself. The first stop was Fred's room and she knew he was alone, the two bikini girls having already left. Tentatively she knocked on the door and was rewarded by a grinning and fortunately fully dressed Fred opening it up.

"Do we have to ho home already?" he asked.

"First we get our stories straight," said Storm. "You didn't get married did you?"

"Not that I remember."

"Good. You're ahead of the rest of the Brotherhood anyway. At least the ones we've been able to find."

"Uh, Lance and Kitty got married?"

"No, Toad and Wanda."

"No way!" Fred laughed. "Damn, I'm closest with the pool!"

"Pool?"

"We all placed bets on how long before she gave in. And I'm closest! Those guys all owe me a trillion dollars each."

"I wouldn't expect to be paid any time soon," said Storm. "And I've got to get Pietro a divorce so get yourself ready – we're meeting in the bar. We need to do some damage control."

"You might," said Fred. "We're the Brotherhood. There's no need for us to think of a cover story, we're in the clear!"

"In that case, I won't get Pietro the divorce," said Storm with a rather evil smile. "And he can bring his new wife to live in the Brotherhood house with you. His new wife Mystique."

"I'll be good."

"Good!" Storm walked off and headed for Kitty's room.

"Are you two awake?"

Kitty threw the door open and smiled. "We are and we're ready to catch the plane!"

Storm regarded her cheerful disposition with frank suspicion. "Did you two get married last night?"

There was a strange noise from within the room, which turned out to be Lance spitting his drink out. Kitty made her face even more innocent. "Of course not? What do you think we are?"

"Slightly more intelligent than the rest of the Brotherhood. The twins both got drunk and married."

Lance laughed. "Oh man, wait 'til we get back and I torment them about it! How pissed off are they?"

"Pietro's horrified," said Storm hiding a smile. "But Wanda's over the moon. She married Todd."

"Urgh!"

"Meet in the bar downstairs as soon as possible." Storm wandered away from the door and wondered irritably why she had to do all the work. Scott was screaming somewhere in the distance, Logan seemed to have vanished. At least the students were beginning to leave their rooms and head for the elevators, muttering vaguely about breakfast and hangover cures. Bobby had found some clothes and gave her an innocent look as he ran past. Sam and Roberto were also missing in action, which meant she would have to round up the stragglers herself.

At that moment she spied Sam and Roberto, trailing after Pyro who had one arm around Tabby and the other around Amara. She blinked in confusion, then decided to let it go. As long as they got into the bar.

Taking a quick inventory of who hadn't gone past her she realised Remy and Rogue were still missing and Logan was nowhere in sight. Probably there was a fight going on and Rogue was trying to break it up. Ray was also missing and Storm had no idea where he could be. That only left…

"Breakfast! Breakfast!" Sixteen Jamie's ran past, almost knocking her off her feet. Shaking her head, Storm went off to find the four missing members of their party.

Logan and Gambit were sharing a bottle of home brew in the corridor, sat on the floor and looking like a couple of winos rather than the 'mature' members of the team.

"Ish jusht a shock," said Logan mournfully. "One day they're kids an you're teaching them how to kill a man and the nesht they're all growed up an makin love not war. Ish a shame."

"Dat's sad," said Gambit, resting a hand on Logan's shoulder. "But Remy will take good care of Rogue!" He rescued the bottle off Logan and took another drag.

"You better," said Logan, swiping the bottle back. "Or elshe I get to cut off your hair. And that other thing, nose. No. Lower down. Nipples?"

"Don't try t'inkin 'bout that now," said Gambit hastily.

"Having fun?" asked Storm sarcastically.

Rogue emerged from the room, freshly showered. "Trust me Storm, this was necessary."

"Don't tell me! I can guess the rest." Storm massaged her temples. "Think you can manoeuvre Gambit into the elevator and I'll help Logan?"

"Sure." Rogue helped Gambit to his feet and he grinned at her.

"You know _chere_, Remy could get used to this."

"Well don't." It might have been necessary for Gambit to sit down with Logan and have a few drinks but it didn't mean she had to like it.

They got the men into the elevator and made it into the bar. Storm glared as she realised most of the teens had retained their image inducers and were happily having a liquid breakfast.

"I need coffee over here," she snapped at the barman, dumping Logan into a seat. "Right everyone, we have to leave Vegas in a couple of hours and I need to get everyone sober and single by then. And I don't think the Professor ought to know about any of this."

Logan attempted to sit to attention. "Anyone got any eye soap?"

Storm glared at Jean, who was looking far too innocent. "Where's Scott?"

Jean smirked and picked up her drink. "I'm sure he'll show up."


	14. Will They Ever Get Back To Bayville?

Thanks to:

A Cute But Psycho Bunny – Ha, fins out what Jean did to Scott this chapter! And nothing Tabby does surprises me.

Arikitten – I love Evil Jean (hell, I dedicated two fics to her dark side!) and I agree, Storm has to be seriously strong to put up with all this. Although I think she's about to snap…

Riderazzo – I actually thought of a pretty funny sequel to this fic that would have your idea as an important part, so it might be posted on here yet (keep an eye out!). There's lots of love in this chapter so enjoy!

Randomnimity – I'm PB! And I think there was a conga line at my last party…it might have been cops in riot gear though. It's all kind of a tequila-induced blur. Probably a good thing there wasn't a swimming pool, after reading the review it made me grateful!

Rogue14 – Back on common ground here (any ground containing me tends to be common lol) with more asses! Well, one gratuitous ass mention.

LadyEvils – I just love thinking of drunk Logan, although technically he shouldn't be able to get drunk and stay that way. But to hell with technicalities! Ray will be getting off the roller coaster, without enthusiasm. And I'm a big Brotherhood fan too! Although I guess that shows.

TheDreamerLady – I've never been a fan of Amyro and this was kind of a way where I could get used to the idea…although I never planned for everyone to start loving Pyro, it just kinda happened! Find out what happened to Scott right here!

Todd Fan – I nicked the eye soap thing from the Simpsons. Drunk Logan rocks!

Elmo The Cajun Puppet – Ha, I get chased around by the men with the butterfly nets a lot and I have a whole cupboard full of hug-me jackets as modelled by Wanda! Is this update soon enough for ya?

Disclaimer: I own Mr Smash and seventy-two male strippers. But nothing else. Hell, seventy-two male strippers does me!

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"Who's missing?" Storm did a quick mental count. "We still need to find Scott and Ray. Where are they?"

"I think Scott said something about getting to a hairdressers," said Jean innocently. "You know how he likes his hair to be military neat."

"And he was last seen being chased down a hall by you threatening him with a comb," said Pietro. "What did you do?"

"Nothing!"

Storm sighed. "Kurt, you seem to be the only person who kept his sanity through the entire trip. Could you go to the hairdressers and find Scott?"

"Sure." Kurt gave his drink a mournful look and took off.

"Jean, can you scan the building to find Ray?"

Concentrating, Jean could find no trace of Ray in the hotel but when she widened her search area, she located him in the amusement park in the neighbouring facility. "He's riding the roller coaster. I spoke to him telepathically, asked him to come back, but he told me to, uh get lost."

"Are you sure 'get lost' were his exact words?" Sam smirked.

Phinneus Smash entered the room and headed to their table. "Hey there kids. Heard a couple of you got into some trouble last night." He grinned widely at the thought.

"Young Pietro here got married," said Storm. "He's rather upset. Is there anything you can do to help us?"

"Sure thing!" Smash took out his cell phone and made a call, turning away from them and indicating to the barman to bring him a drink. The conversation was quick and when he turned back to them he still looked amused, the phone still in one hand. "What's the name of the girl you want whacked?"

"We don't want anyone whacked!" Storm looked horrified. "We just want Pietro divorced!"

"Oh, right, sure. I was just joking!" Smash surreptitiously cut the call off and dialled another number.

"Oh man!" Lance pouted. "We could have had Mystique bumped off if we'd spoken a bit quicker."

"There's no excuse for that sort of thing," replied Storm sternly.

"'Course there is 'Ro," slurred Logan. "Tell Smashy to get the hit man back on the line!"

"Logan!"

"It's not like it can be traced back to ush."

"_Logan_!"

Smash put the phone away and took a swig of his drink. "You got married at that alien place? Guy there owes me a favour. My associate's gonna make sure that no record of your wedding exists. Like it never happened."

Pietro sighed in relief. Lance just had to burst his bubble. "You know, when Mystique finds out she's gonna hit the roof."

"Oh shit!" Pietro crashed his head onto the table. "Why does this type of thing always happen to me?"

"Who is it son?" Smash looked sympathetic.

"Woman on the top floor, red hair, blue skin, talking to herself about what colour to paint the nursery."

"I'll sort it out, don't you worry. I'll break the news to her then have so many male strippers up there she'll think it's her birthday!"

"Only trouble is, no stripper could ever compare to me." Pietro reflected on his terrible luck of being the best looking guy in the world.

Kitty blinked. "He's just delusional. Thank you Mr Smash."

"Hell no, thank you! This weekend has been the most interesting around here for years! I've never seen so much destruction in a single weekend in my life! You wanna make this a monthly thing?"

"Like PMS? No thank you Mr Smash," said Storm through gritted teeth.

"Well we would!" Logan grabbed for his glass, found it empty and stole Fred's.

"Yeah!" Remy beamed at the thought. "Gambit t'ink dat's a great idea! Don' fight it Stormy. Maybe you get laid again, _non_? Hey, did dis room get dark you t'ink?"

With a dazzling display of foresight, Rogue threw herself away from Remy as a bolt of lightning broke through the window. Sadly for Storm, even while drunk Gambit had good reflexes and managed to avoid being incinerated. Barely.

Kurt chose that moment to walk back into the bar, accompanied by Scott, who looked very…suspicious. The shades were firmly on his nose but a baseball cap covered his head and he had both hands shoved deep into his pockets as he looked at the floor.

"Ah, there you are Scott," said Storm calmly as Remy picked himself off the floor and regarded the ruins of his still-smouldering seat. "Are you quite ready to rejoin us and work out what we'll tell the Professor?"

"Uh, sure." Scott sat down at the table, glanced sideways at Jean and muttered, "When we get back to Bayville, we have to have a serious talk about our relationship."

"Like reasons it's a good idea to accuse your girlfriend of marrying some one else then accuse her of being an evil shapeshifting terrorist and attacking her?"

"That's no reason for what _you_ did."

The others, most of whom hadn't seen what had happened earlier, stared at the couple in surprise."

"No reason? It's a _good_ reason!"

"_You're_ the one who got us arrested, flashing that cop!"

"I wouldn't have flashed the cop if you didn't have your hand up my shirt!"

"I wouldn't have had my hand up your shirt if you hadn't shoved _your_ hand down my pants!"

_Snikt!_

"I didn't have my hand up her shirt!" Scott glanced over in Logan in terror. "She's making it all up! It's all lies! Lies I tell you!"

Logan stood up, planted his hands on the table and glared threateningly at Scott. "You know something bub…I've completely forgotten what I was gonna shay. What were we jusht talking about?"

Storm glared. "Sit _down_ Logan."

Logan sat heavily in his chair and glanced over at Remy, who had retaken his seat on the lightning-damaged chair. "You know something Cajun – you look like you just did the mother of all farts!"

Remy glanced down in confusion and began sniggering when he realised what Logan was talking about.

"Logan, be quiet!" Storm rested her head on her hand, wondering if forty-eight hours of none-stop sex was worth all this aggravation. Yesterday she would have said yes, but now she was beginning to wonder.

"So, what's with the cap Scott?" Kitty reached over and yanked it off Scott's head.

"Kitty, no!"

The others gazed at him, startled. "You got your hair cut like Toad's?" asked Rogue.

Todd straightened his lucky wig and glared at the X-Men's fearless leader. "It doesn't matter what you do man. You're not stealing Wanda off me! We're married now!"

"What?" Scott tried to snatch his cap back. "I don't want to steal Wanda from you…"

Pietro quickly reached over and grabbed a handful of Scott's hair, which came away from his head. Scott tried to grab it back but Pietro was too fast for him.

"_NOOOO_!" Scott tried to cover his head with his arms but the others could see what had happened to him. Scott was bald. Professor Xavier style bald.

"You did that to him?" Pietro regarded Jean with wonder. "You ever think about joining the Brotherhood?"

"It'sh Professor S!" Logan laughed at his own joke.

"Jean!" Storm leapt to her feet. "How are we going to explain this to Charles?"

Jean shrugged. "We could say that Scott's desire to emulate him has gone too far."

"You can't say that!" Scott kept one arm over his head while trying to rescue either the cap or the wig. "He'll think I'm weird!"

"He can join the club then," said Lance with a smirk. "Where's my camera?"

"Enough!" Storm slammed a hand on the table, making them all jump. "Kurt, would you go and get Ray off the roller coaster? The rest of you, just – _shut up_!"

Kurt ran off and the others sat silent for a moment. Storm glared around the table, daring anyone to open their mouths. For almost five minutes, peace reigned.

A sudden commotion at the door made everyone turn. A man in a suit walked in and noticed Phinneus Smash sat with the mutants. "Hey Mr Smash. Did you order seventy-two male strippers?"

"Hi Barry. Sure did." Smash rose and greeted the man with a handshake. The females at the table stared unashamedly as the suited man was followed by a long line of hunky men wearing G-strings, baby oil and smiles.

"Wanda!" Todd looked upset. "You're married to me now!"

"Yeah, but I can still look."

"If you stop looking right now I'll…" Todd whispered something in her ear. Wanda immediately dropped her gaze from the strippers and smiled adoringly at him.

"Gross!" Pietro cringed.

"Great," sighed Kitty.

Lance sneakily pinched her buttock cheek. Kitty shrieked at the recent wound of her tattoo and whirled around, eyes blazing. "You bastard!"

"At least your attention's back on me now," said Lance.

"No, actually it's on me." Kitty punched him in the arm and Lance yelled in pain.

Rogue thoughtfully put her hand in her pocket, where the slim power-suppressing collar was temporarily housed. "Hmm…"

Remy saw the motion and leaned over to her. "I'll tell Logan."

"I'm only looking," she said sulkily.

The strippers followed the suited man out of the bar and Storm, temporarily distracted, turned her attention back to the table. "Amara! Get your tongue out of Pyro's ear, you don't know where it's been!"

"Don't worry love, I know exactly where it's been," replied Pyro.

"Uh, Amara, didn't you notice the seventy-two strippers who were just in here?" asked Rogue.

"Seventy-two strippers?" Tabby laughed. "We'd have noticed something like that!"

"There were no strippers Rogue," added Amara. "There was only St John!"

"He lights a fire in our hearts," sighed Tabby.

Storm cleared her throat. Everyone at the table lapsed into silence, Lance and Kitty massaging bruised appendages and sulking, for a further fourteen seconds.

_Bamf!_

Kurt crashed heavily to the floor, clinging to Ray by his foot. Ray hit a nearby table, scattering glasses across the floor and food into the laps of the guests.

Kurt looked apologetic. "I couldn't get him off the roller coaster and he was clinging to the car and it was the only thing I could think of to get him off it…"

Storm jumped to her feet. "BARMAN! BRING ME ALCOHOL! _NOW!_"

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Two hours later, the private plane was leaving the airport, Smash waving to the mutants after persuading Storm that a second visit wasn't such a bad idea at all. Pyro had once again been mysteriously rendered unconscious by a glass of Remy's home brew. Logan and Gambit who had decided they were best friends were consuming the last of said home brew. Remy kept pouring Rogue glasses as well and Logan was doing the same for Storm, who had mysteriously forgiven his drunkenness and was playing with his hair, a silly smile on her face.

"Because _homme_, if we made de kids curfew an hour earlier we could go to de bar!"

"Remy, you are _soooo_ smart!" said Rogue adoringly.

"Remy would sneak his _chere_ out too," added Gambit, delighted by his own cunning.

"But if we shneakt. Shnickt. Snuck Rogue out, Charles might do the Eyebrow on us!" Storm shuddered in horror and Logan wrapped an arm around her.

"Let me worry about that," said Logan with a grin. "He can't do the Eyebrow if we ushe shome of that delly. Dilly. Delipeli. Delipelipilly…that cream you ushe for your bikini line!"

Storm frowned. "Whuh? Nothing wrong with my bikini line. Don't see how showin that to Charles will make him not do the Eyebrow."

"No. We don't ushe it on you. We use it on _Chuck_!"

"What's his bikini line got to do with it?"

"No. We put it on hish _eyebrows_ an then he can't do the Eyebrow!"

"Logan, you'sh a genius!" Storm wrapped her arms around him and began chewing on an earlobe.

Lance was sat next to Kitty, looking guilty. "I'm sorry I pinched your tattoo."

"You should be," she said.

"Can I rub it better for you?"

"OK!"

"Hey you two, take it into the bathroom!" yelled Pietro irritably.

"Can't," said Lance. "Wanda and Toad are in there."

"URGH!" Pietro dived under his seat and decided it might be safest to stay there for the rest of the journey.

Sam and Roberto stared at Amara and Tabby, giving them both the creeps. "What is it with you two?" asked Tabby eventually.

"Can you tell us why you like Pyro?" said Roberto.

"There are so many reasons," sighed Amara.

"Well, could you give us a list starting with the things you like best and working down?" Sam looked hopefully at them.

Beaming, overjoyed by the chance to talk about their man, Amara and Tabby began talking about Pyro in a manner that suggested they might not stop for a long time.

Scott was trying to paint on some hair with a magic marker. He glanced sideways at Jean. "Look I'm sorry I thought you were Mystique."

"And?"

"And I'm sorry I blasted you."

"And?"

"And what? That's all I did!"

"Fine then." Jean turned away, swigged at her drink and glared out of the window.

"What? What else did I do?"

"If you have to ask, then I'm not going to tell you."

"What?"

Storm jumped to her feet and dragged Logan up. "I just need to use the bathroom. Would you help me Logan?"

"Why d'ya need my…oh yeah! Yeah, shure. Help you." Logan tipped a wink to Remy and Rogue and followed Storm to the bathroom, where they found it locked.

"Hey bub, open up! Emergency!"

"It's occupied yo!"

"Let us in Toad!"

The pilots voice broke in over the tannoy. "Would all passengers please go to their seats and fasten their seatbelts?"

With grumbles, everyone did so, Toad and Wanda emerging from the bathroom looking a little dishevelled. Everyone got to their seats and waited to land. And waited.

Storm got to her feet and hammered on the cockpit door. "Why are we in our seats? We're not due to land yet!"

"Because I'm getting nervous that some one's about to die," replied the pilot.

Storm turned around and grinned. "Nowhere near landing yet. Let's party!"


	15. Epilogue

Thanks to:

XME – Bald Scott is really scary!

Bant – Hope this is soon enough! This is the last chapter but I hope to have something else comedic up soon. I'm working on my dark fic and about a million piles of studying!

TheDreamerLady – GAH! Jean wanting to have her own mini-Prof is just perverted! I'm hoping to write a sequel at some point but I've got a lot on at the moment, so you'll just have to keep an eye out for it later in the year!

Riderazzo – I'll use the idea for a sequel but I don't know when it will be posted because I'm snowed under at the moment! But keep an eye out for it and I'll try to get it written when I have some time free.

Anti-X YO – I so wish they did that sticker, I don't know when I had the idea although I did use it in another fic I don't think anyone noticed it then!

Dis Chick Digs Da Fuzzy Dude – I like both names! Drunk Logan is the most fun to write and lets the kids be terrified of what will happen to them when he sobers up!

Todd Fan – The Eyebrow is the most feared power in all of Bayville! And drunk Storm is a laugh, although not as much fun to write as drunk Logan for some reason.

LadyEvils – Pyro's just a chick magnet! Who could resist that cheeky face and psychotic grin… OK, that's enough of that. Taking off the Eyebrows would render the Prof looking pretty funny, I wish I'd done that in this chapter.

Rogue14 – That pilot will never get over this flight, ha ha!

Randomnimity – Yeah, this is the conclusion all right…I find the idea of being impaled by spiked hair a highly amusing way to go! Watch out for the bear!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

**Author Note: **This is the last chapter of the fic, hope you enjoy it! I'm not actually sure that this last chapter works so let me know what you think. I've been asked for a sequel by several people (the joy of being liked!) but at the moment I have a mountainous workload on and another fic that I haven't been devoting enough time to so it'll take a while before it's posted. Speaking of my other fic (shameless self promotion coming up!) my current fic is called "And I Feel Fine" and is still ongoing. It's a dark fic about the end of the world as we know it and I've been killing off major characters left right and centre. Feel free to check it out!

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The Professor waited at the Institute, imagining what his students could have gotten up to. He imagined that Storm had taken the girls to a show; maybe Logan had taken the boys to watch a boxing match. There was so much for young people to do in Vegas without resorting to sex and weddings.

A loud crash suggested that the students were home. With a pleasant smile, he went to greet them at the door. He wasn't prepared for the sight that greeted him.

Logan stood in the doorway, holding up Storm and partly using her own bodyweight to keep himself upright. "Hey Chuck. We brought back all the kids! _And_ they have all their limbs."

"Oh good." Xavier sniffed the air. "Can I smell alcohol?"

"We might have had a single glass of champagne on the way home," said Storm.

"To congratulate ourselves on a job well done!" Logan grinned hopefully.

"Of course." Xavier watched the pair help each other into the mansion.

"It's good to be home!" Scott walked into the mansion, baseball cap firmly in place. "We had a good time! No one got arrested at all!"

"Right." The Professor wondered if he should start reading some minds.

Amara ran into the house and threw her arms around him. "Thank you for all you've done for me Professor, I'll always appreciate it, but I'm moving into the Brotherhood house! I've fallen in love!"

"Uh, you've what?"

"Fallen in love! With the most wonderful man in the world! Pyro!"

"Huh? Pyro? _Insane_ Pyro?"

"He's not insane, he's just complicated." Amara raced upstairs to pack.

Jean tried sneaking into the house and Xavier decided it might be a good idea to start with her. "Jean, what's happened on your vacation?"

"Oh you know. Saw the sights, went on the roller coaster. No one got arrested! Especially not me!"

"Oh no…" Xavier rolled his eyes and was about to find out what was _really_ going on when Sam and Roberto ran into the mansion.

"We have to go stay at the Brotherhood house for a while!"

"It's really important!"

Xavier blinked. "What?"

Sam gestured wildly. "Pyro is our teacher now! We can learn so much more from him than we could here!"

"Like how to score with two chicks at once," added Roberto.

That did it. The Professor decided he was reading the mind of the next person to walk into the room. Unfortunately for him, that was Kitty.

"You got a tattoo _where_?"

"Oh, like, hi!" Kitty chuckled nervously and decided it might be safer to phase through the wall.

Ray stomped into the Institute and glared at the Professor. "They dragged me off the roller coaster!"

"Home! Home! Home!" Twenty-three Jamie's raced toward the kitchen.

"_Logan! Ororo!_"

The Professor made his way to Logan's room and shoved the door open, smothering his embarrassment at catching the pair semi-clad. "What the _hell_ happened?"

"We can explain…"

The doorbell rang and a moment later Kurt teleported into the hallway. "Professor, there are some odd people at the door…" He noticed Logan and Ororo. "Wow, for two people who didn't leave their room all weekend you're sure anxious to get busy!"

"You are _dead_ elf!" Logan jumped off Storm and popped his claws.

"Eeep!" Kurt teleported away as the Professor took the elevator down to meet their guests.

"Hello." The two people at the door looked a little strange and he silently admonished himself. It had been a stressful day but he had no right to wonder about their appearance. Many mutants looked strange.

"Hey!" The boy, a waif with fine blonde hair, stepped forward. "Roberto said we could crash here if we were passing through. And guess what? We got a plane!"

"You'll have to excuse him," said the girl, her hair mostly shaved save a couple of tufts. "This is RJ and I'm Spooky."

"You certainly are," muttered the Professor. "I'll summon Roberto right away."

As luck would have it, Roberto had finished packing and was making his way down the stairs. He paused as he saw who was at the door. "Wow! Spooky, RJ! I was just going away for a few days…"

"Don't be so rude Roberto," said Xavier, a gleam in his eyes. "You invited your friends to stay, you'll have to put off your visit to the Brotherhood."

"But Pyro…" Roberto sighed. "Come on in guys."

"Some pad you got here," said RJ.

"And some friends." Spooky dropped her bag and leapt onto the Professor. "I totally get off on bald guys…"

"Actually Roberto, why don't you take your new friends to the Brotherhood house with you!" The Professor tried to extract himself from Spooky's arms. "I'm sure they'll fit right in!"

"Great! Come on you two!" Roberto headed out of the door with RJ and a disappointed Spooky in tow.

"Is something wrong Charles?" Storm had managed to dress and make it down the stairs but she was obviously still under the influence.

"Actually yes." It wasn't often that Xavier lost his temper but he was getting there. He rolled out toward the kitchen, Storm following. "What the hell happened this weekend that I find weirdo's at the door looking for Roberto, Kitty tattooed, half the New Recruits about to move to the Brotherhood house and the instructors drunk and disorderly…and Gambit and Rogue making out in the kitchen!" The last yelled as he rolled into the kitchen and found the pair doing something potentially unsanitary on the table. "What is going on here?"

"We were just, uh, leaving!" Rogue stood, rearranged her clothes and took Remy's hand, pulling him out of the room.

"The thing is Charles, uh…" Storm tried to think of an explanation. "Uh, Mastermind was there and he made us all do it!"

"Do what?"

"Anything you might find out that we've done. It was all his fault!"

Another ring of the doorbell had the Professor wheeling to the door, Storm beginning to feel unpleasantly sober trailing after him. As if on cue, Logan appeared from nowhere and handed her a bottle of beer.

Xavier yanked the door open and was greeted by two girls in sparkly bikinis. The blonde one smiled at him. "Hi!"

"We're looking for Fred," said the brunette.

"Fred doesn't live here!" snapped the Professor.

"He, uh, lives at the Brotherhood house," said Logan quickly. "I'll just write down the address and directions."

"Wait," said Storm, a grin breaking out over her face. "You two were the room service!"

The blonde one shrugged. "You could say that."

"Here." Logan thrust the address at them and slammed the door. "Um, they were just a souvenir that Blob picked up…"

Another ring at the door had the Professor wishing he'd never dreamed of mutant-human peace. He wished he'd considered violence. It would solve a lot of his problems right now.

He pulled open the door. "_What_?"

"Uh, excuse me but I'm looking for Kurt?" The purple haired girl extended a hand. "Betsy Braddock. I hear this place is a refuge for mutants?"

"That's right." The Professor beamed and shook her hand. "It's nice to know that at least one person on the trip was thinking about our image," he said pointedly to Logan and Ororo.

"Well, I'm a telepath." Betsy entered the house and glanced around. "Not bad. Anyway, when Kurt told me where he lived I thought, why not? So here I am. Bloody good job too. I can't believe I left him that picture of me in my underwear! I must have still been drunk! So anyway, where's our room?"

"Would you give us a moment please Betsy?" The Professor wheeled himself into the study and poured himself a drink.

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At the Brotherhood house…

Lance threw the door open and wandered happily in. The weekend had been good, he'd got laid and Pietro had made an idiot of himself. This had been the most perfect weekend in history…

"Hello boys."

"GAH!" Lance dropped his bag and stared in shock. Magneto had turned up. He was stood in the centre of the room, hurriedly replacing his helmet.

"Uh, hello sir!" Lance wondered how long he'd been there.

Magneto glared. "I've been waiting for you all weekend. Where were you?"

"Vegas," said Fred happily, going through to the kitchen to see how the food was doing.

"Vegas." Magneto looked over as a sheepish Pietro walked in. "I wondered what that strange phone call from Mystique was about."

"Uh, Mystique called you? I thought you two hated each other!" Pietro wondered if it was time to panic. "Anything she told you is a lie!"

"So she's not my daughter in law?"

"Busted," said Lance with a smirk.

"Shut _up_ Avalanche!"

Magneto sighed and sat down on the chair, wondering why he'd ever bothered to have children. "She called me and said she knew it would break your heart but she was getting a divorce and staying in Vegas with seventy-two male strippers and a family sized tub of strawberry yoghurt. Care to explain?"

"Uh, not really…" Pietro was relieved when he was saved from explaining by the arrival of Pyro, a casual arm around Tabby's shoulders.

"Hey boss." Pyro tipped Magneto a wink. "Love to stay and chat but I've gotta save my strength."

"Wait," said Magneto sharply. "Why is she here?"

"I'm moving in," replied Tabby. "Me and Amara both. We're in love with Pyro!"

"And I said those other kids could move in too. Sam and Roberto. They want to learn from me." Pyro gave a grin. "The girls can't resist mate. It's me sexual magnetism!"

Magneto shuddered. "Half of the X-Men moving into the house. That's going to be fun. Is there anything else I should know?"

Pietro opened his mouth, hoping to get himself out of trouble, but Lance knew exactly what his plan was and interrupted. "No, nothing else happened. Nothing at all."

"That's something at least." Magneto stood up and glared at the group. "Since your marriage is over Pietro, there is no reason for me to stay around. Thank goodness your sister has more sense. Where is she by the way?"

"It's traditional yo," came a voice from the hallway, followed by a girl giggling. Magneto clenched his fists as Toad came into view, carrying Wanda in his arms.

_"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY DAUGHTER?"_

"Father, stop shouting," said Wanda, making Toad set her to her feet. "This is my husband! We fell in love and now we're married. We're going to start a family!"

Magneto's eyes glowed as he levitated two feet from the carpet. Lance and Pietro took cover behind the couch. Wanda stood her ground, trying not to be intimidated by her father, Toad cowering behind her.

"You're a dead mutant Toad!"

"GAAAAH!" Toad fled the house with Magneto in hot pursuit.

"Father, no! Don't hurt my Toddy!" Wanda ran out after them, hands glowing blue, firing hexes at Magneto in a desperate attempt to stop him chasing her husband.

Pietro slammed the door behind them. "At least it gets me off the hook!"

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Betsy surveyed the X-Men in bemusement as the Professor introduced them all.

"This is Mr McCoy…"

"A pleasure to meet you Betsy."

"This is Logan…"

"Quack quack!"

"This is Ororo Munroe…"

"Woof woof woof!"

"Scott Summers…"

"Oink!"

"Jean Grey…"

"Purrrrrr…"

"Um, excuse me Professor Xavier?" Betsy looked hesitant. "Did you make everyone think they're animals?"

"Everyone except you of course. They've just pissed me off so much." The Professor glanced around in satisfaction as alligator Remy bit flamingo Bobby in the ankle. "They'll get over it in a few days."

Across the room, monkey Rogue jumped onto giraffe Kitty and tried to slide down her neck. The Beast produced a video camera and indulged in picking up a little blackmail material.

"You're devious Professor," said Betsy in admiration, "I like that in a man. I'm looking forward to moving in."


End file.
